Why can't it just be over with!!?

Meldiseus's picture

Sigh I'm just depressed today.

See for awhile now I've been looking on youtube at all the transitioning or sucseffully transitioned wemon and I see them and Its like a poison seeping into my veins. I see them and then I see myself and I just want it all to start happening, I don't want to wait for hormones, and for counselling and all that.

I just want it all to be done with already so that I can go back to school as a girl in every sence of the word. I want to laugh with my friends and just talk with them about meaningless every day things, as me, as my true self.

But I can't
cause I't all takes money, and time, and a lot of other thnigs I don't have yet, and I just want to be normal for once.

I know that being a girl won't solve all (if any) of my problems but I like to think that it would at least make them easier to deal with.

Thanks for listening

Comments

centerfielder08's picture

i know its hard, hun. it

i know its hard, hun. it really is.
and sometimes youtube helps and other times it just makes it harder. there are times i do the same thing...compare myself to trans guys who already are on hormones and it makes me feel sad about myself.
just know there are people out here that like you for who you are, such as us on oasis.

we'll always be here to listen.
*hugs*
and i know this will sound all stupid and cheesy, but i'll say it anyway. you dont need the hormones or surgery to be agirl. you already are one.

Meldiseus's picture

Thanks

Sometimes I forget that all the other stuff are only accessories.

I guess I was focussing on the stuff on the outside instead of the stuff on the inside.

godforbidlaura's picture

patience...sucks

I personally hate that this is true but sometimes the things that suck that we have to walk (or crawl) through are a needed lesson for the rest of our lives everything you do will make you stronger, it just sucks to have to go through with it. I personally always wanted to just wake up and be 70 with my life behind me already lived, because it was so painful to deal with everyday but .... you know, hindsight and all that bullshit I don't regret the trials anymore and I am open to walking through each day now with hope for what good will come from it in the future. All that aside, I have full empathy for your pain now. Seriously , patience fucking sucks.