Funk of Darkness

centerfielder08's picture

TRIGGER WARNING: This post may contain triggers relating to low mood/depression.

I've been in an awful funk that is so hard to get out. I've been pretty depressed as of late. There are times where I'll stare at my computer screen for hours on end...not talking to anyone, not doing work, not anything. Just staring there because I can't, for the life of me, get anything done.

I've met some cool people but none that I consider people I can really confide in about stuff.

I'm in therapy three days a week still and it sucks because I heard that after this therapy, I'm going to have to switch (therapists) again. Which I hate for several reasons, especially because the individual therapist I have now is okay with me...she's fine with the queerness (and I'm able to open up about it), I've told her about my depression, my history, all the shit with my family and the bullying and shit.

I know she said she was already talking to the other group leader about me leaving end of March or so, but is there a way I can just ask her if I can be the exception and stay with her? Changing therapists makes my depression worse I've found and makes the urges go WAYYYY up. Is it an okay/legitimate question for me to ask my therapist tomorrow? I want to explain how I feel this connection to her and I've found I can confide in her.

I'm so depressed. Fuck.

Things with Dad have popped up again. And I HATE that. Especially since I've had to confront it at therapy and talk all about it. Some of the hardest stuff I've ever had to do.

Well, as you know, I'm here...


whateversexual_llama's picture

god, that sounds super hard.

god, that sounds super hard. I'm sorry, Eli. Be strong and of course we are and I am here for you.

I think it's definitely okay, and probably a good thing, to tell the therapist how you feel about the switch. It will probably help?

funnyflyby's picture

I showered now...

And now I feel bad that I'm not the first post :(
As promised!
;) :) :) ;D :) :D ;) :) ;) ;) :) :) ;) :D :) ;) ;D :) :) :) :D :D

I'm really sorry I haven't been here. I feel like I've been a bad friend. And now (including the rest of this post) I've said 'I' fourteen times, so I feel like I'm being really self-centered.
I (ergh) agree with WSL about the therapist thing.
And that I AM HERE FOR YOU NOW! Sorry I was gone... but the baby rainbowsy has returned. And the Eli is awesome and OHYEAHIALMOSTFORGOT *hugs*
~The Recently Returned Flyby.

swimmerguy's picture


I wish I could say I know what you're dealing with, but I'm pretty sure I have no clue.
SO, I'll try my best.

Yes, that is a perfectly legitimate q to ask the therapist.

Other than that, I'm so sorry. I always listen to music when depressed, and it usually helps better than anything else I've tried.
So, I'm sorry, get better, I'm pulling for you!

No one escapes from life alive

radiosilence95's picture

Oh, the joys of depression... (sarcasm)

I couldn't imagine if my therapist suddenly pulled the switcheroo on me. How can they just swap like that? I've never understood how therapists can do that to their patients. It's unfair. I'm sorry, dear.

And depression is a part of life. I've certainly had my fair share of ups and downs. They will come, and they will pass. I've found that simple things can distract me from my depression. Hanging out and laughing with friends, taking a walk, writing poetry, listening to music...hell, even taking naps can help. Rely on the smallest, simplest things to help you.

I can't promise you those things will work. Hopefully they will. And I can't garauntee tomorrow will be better. But I can garauntee that it WILL pass. What you're going through will make you stronger for the future. I will keep you in my thoughts, and I wish you all the happiness in the world :)

centerfielder08's picture

Hilde--Thanks. Seeing your

Hilde--Thanks. Seeing your note cheered me up quite a bit. Yeah, I want to talk to her but I don't know how to say it. Ideas?
Flyby--Aw, tis okay that you're not the first post. We'll call it even since I said "she" instead of "gaj". Deal?
:D :D :D :D (etc)
And no, you're not being a bad friend. You're a great friend!!!
yayayayayayay Flyby is backkkkkkkkkkkkkk! HUGS!
Swimmerguy--Thank you very much, I appreciate it ! <3
Radiosilence95--See, I'm in a group therapy program, and the thing is that after you "graduate" or finish at the program, they try and set you up with a new individual therapist. Problem, though, is that while at the group therapy program, they give you a therapist within that group (there are multiple therapists and a group of patients).

Thank you.

Yeah, I love the therapist I'm with now and I think I'll say something to her about continuing but I need ideas...can't think of what to say/how to say it.