(retype of lost essay) Unintended Circumstances, and help needed

Ask Tell Deceive's picture

I guess I'll simplify, pardon if this sounds too odd.

I only left my house once lately, and that's to go to the hospital. My friend convinced me that I ought to have small party at my house to get myself a little less frightened. I've been terrified a serial killer will attack me, so I refuse to leave the house.

I thought the party would be small because I only invited 6 people, but somehow the party was huge. At the largest I counted 241 faces, and at the smallest I counted 157 faces. I'm afraid of large groups of people, you see, so I started to drink. This relaxed me... a little too much.

A boy who thought I was female talked me into going into my room with him, alone. I wish my friends would have seen me, because they wouldn't have let it happen. But when he found out I was male, he freaked out and started to beat me. He got a good kick to the head, along with multiple other injuries, before someone heard me screaming and dragged him out. My friend, S, who suggested this was terrified I was angry at him and kept apologizing but my other friend was telling me how stupid I was for getting drunk and letting it happen. I was telling myself that. But they called an ambulance and I was taken to the hospital. I'm back home and healing, but I'm never going to let anybody into my house again except MAYBE two at a time.

I think I'm justified in staying home, now. I don't feel so much like I'm being hysterical.

What I want help with is for someone to explain to me how to deal with people. I don't understand what's going on, I can't tell when people are happy, sad, angry, or anything. Especially now that this happened, and considering one of my best friends was murdered in high school by a rapist, I'm fairly sure most of the human race is a violent, hateful group. How do you people get up in the morning? How can you leave your houses knowing that there are killers waiting for a victim to kill? How can you pursue love when you know it'll do nothing but hurt you?
That's what I want to know. Please, explain. I just can't understand.


Dracofangxxx's picture

Cause it's not what could happen,

It's that you have to live in the moment. What's happening to me now, and what am I gonna do about it? Yes, there's danger, and pain, and Ultimate Suck to the Fifth Degree, but in the end, a life worth lived is one where risks are taken but danger is not ignored. A happy life is one you make out of nothing, and into something, all by yourself.
Amazingly offensive <3