My sister unexpectedly showed up today. She came to take flowers to our brother’s grave since it’s been a year since we found out he’d passed away. Though to be honest, I didn’t even know it was. Those weeks are honestly pretty much a complete blur for me. I was going to go check the stuff I wrote back then about how I was feeling in order to check the date, but I can’t even bring myself to do that. I know I’m just gonna fall apart. I’m already crying, so it’s not like it would matter, but I don’t want to drag all that stuff up, especially this late.
It’s been a weird and extremely screwed up year. I have so much regret. I can’t express anything to anyone. I’ve held most of what I’ve felt in because I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. I don’t know, it’s just all completely and totally fucked up. There’s no other word for it.
I just wanted to add how thankful I am for Oasis. This is where I went when I needed to talk about how I was feeling about him and everything I was going through. It was here when I had no one to talk to.
And Hellonwheels, because you were really there for me. Even though, I'm not the best friend in return.
I feel completely emotionally exhausted from all the crying I've done tonight. I guess I should have a good sleep if nothing else.