A Year Without a Porn Star: Cheez-its Agree

Super Duck's picture

So, the moods in this journal are EXTREMELY varied. I'm just all over the place right now, and it may or may not make any sense. I can't even sit still right now. Just a warning.

I am extremely sensitive to noises. My mom eats so loudly. Earlier, she was sitting on the couch, disgustingly smacking her salad, and I thought I was going to lose it, even with headphones in and music turned up loud. She is also a SUPER slow eater, which makes matters so much worse. She and my sister both eat that way. Certain noises really get to me for some reason. I also can't be near vacuum cleaners, my sister when she slurps soda out of a can, IG when she tries (and fails) to whistle, or people who enjoy sucking their snot back up into their nose.

It's usually not anywhere near this bad, but I'm at my breaking point right now, so everything is upsetting me. I wanted to scream and lash out at Mrs. History Teacher today because she's giving us work for a grade tomorrow on stuff she says she knows we haven't covered, but we can't look the info up anywhere. I'm sorry, but what the fuck? What the fuck is that? What does she even expect us to do? Pull the info out of our asses? And then I have all these teachers talking to me and other students as if we are mangy dogs unworthy of being graced by their presence, and it's making me a lot more upset than usual. Also, this morning, my mom yelled at me for "being mean to the babyyyy" because I asked my sister to take out some old papers she left in the seat of my car.

I just want to kick some ass. There is just too many different things going on all at once, and I'm coming unraveled. I'm about to snap. I want them to stop demanding so much. I want them to treat me like I'm an actual person. I want them to just back the fuck off for a while, just for next week, even. I'm only ONE person. I can't do everything at once. But there's no way out. I can't do anything except just take everybody's bullshit. I'm sick of my mom being up my sister's ass all the time (figuratively speaking, of course!) and acting like she never does anything wrong. No. Just no. She is being raised to be a gigantic brat, and literally everybody else on the planet except my mom can see it a mile away.

I don't know... All of my feelings have just intensified lately, and everything just seems like a bigger deal when it's really not. I am just really not okay right now, and I hate to post this and publicly whine, but I don't really feel like going back and editing this and stuff to make it less idiotic.

I am, of course, also stressing over next Wednesday and what that will bring. I'm scared I'll cry like an idiot and FCG will see and think I'm weird, or worse, ask what's wrong. I'm so scared I'll lose contact with her because I just suck so badly at this kind of thing. But that can't be allowed to happen, and it's really adding to how I feel right now.

I didn't get to go to French class today because of Field Day, so that sucked. I couldn't find my main group of friends at lunch since it was a huge clusterfuck, so a nice girl from history class invited me to eat with her because her best friend is currently hanging out with all the idiots. I used to be really good friends with the girl from history class in like, kindergarten and early elementary school, but the only memory I really have of it is the time she threw up neon orange all over my bedroom floor. I am like 90% sure that was her, anyway. We stopped talking much in middle school, but suffering through history class has brought us together again.

While I was eating lunch with the girl from history class, I spotted a tall girl with curly blonde hair. Unmistakably FCG, of course. You can't ever not see FCG. There's even a girl who has similar hair as her and is of similar height, but even from the back, I can always pick out FCG. And then FCG came into clearer view, and I saw she was wearing short shorts, showing off her looong legs... Oh my godddd. Suddenly, suffering through Field Day was worth it. I know I was pretty obviously staring. Hahaha. The girl from history class either did not notice where I was looking off to or was too nice to say anything.

Haha, speaking of lunch, this girl who takes photos for the yearbook and newspaper took SO MANY unflattering pictures of people eating at lunch and put them on facebook. FCG is in one. She's gonna be pissed. Don't worry, FCG, you're still super cute even while making an awkward face with a giant mouthful of pizza! Oh, and Photographer Girl took pictures of the games too, and there is this hilarious one where a girl is looking at the floor and smiling, but this weird guy is bent over in front of her, and it looks like she's checking him out. I love awkward candid photos as long as I'm not in them! And I found a picture of FCG's short shorts! ;D

THEN THERE WAS THIS GAME WITH WATER, AND FCG'S (WHITE) SHIRT GOT WET. But not in, uh, certain places, so I didn't see anything, but I thought the caps lock would get your attention! And speaking of white shirts, this random girl came to my chemistry class. She was all dressed up and not a student, but she was asking the teacher something. She was kinda cute. Not super hot or anything, but cute. And she was wearing a super thin white top which you could see through without even trying. She didn't even seem to acknowledge this at all. I noticed the first time I looked at her, and I wasn't even specifically looking at her chest or anything. And she just walked through the school like that!

Anyway, so you guys know about Cute Cheerleader from economics class, right? Mr. Troll loves to torment her because of her jumpiness and exaggerated expressions of surprise. This usually ends up with her screaming, flinching, or otherwise upset. After being tortured for the entire class period today, guess what she did?

Well... She asked a guy to touch her hair to make her feel better. And she begged him not to tell her boyfriend! HAHAHA! WOW! That's almost like, a heterosexual version of FCG or something! The guy actually did touch her hair too, and ANOTHER guy even joined in! I was so shocked. FCG is apparently not the only lover of hair.

Comments

radiosilence95's picture

If you get in a pissy mood,

If you get in a pissy mood, you should try doing what I do...either A) take it out on someone you don't like (your little sister, for instance B) punch something repeatedly, like a pillow or your cat or whatever C) Relax by smoking oodles of pot or D) write about your frustrations. But I don't know if you're much of the writing type.

Sounds like you were given quite a lot of eye candy. Lucky you. Short shorts I find kinda slutty...unless they're on the right person ;P

Super Duck's picture

Haha, if I took it out on my

Haha, if I took it out on my sister, I'd get murdered. I can't punch my lovely Mr. Kitty either! If I had access to some pot, I'd be so stoned out of my mind right now, but I don't have access to that. So I guess I'll just have to punch a pillow! It does help a little to write about it on here, though.

I was! Hahaha! I don't think they're slutty at all, really, ESPECIALLY not on girls like FCG who have niiiiiice legs... ;D

rythmn_n_rhyme_grrl's picture

Oh gosh, I know what you

Oh gosh, I know what you mean about the noises, I though it was just me. I can't focus if there's any noise at all, it's the worst. AND THE SNOT THING GETS ME EVERY TIME! For three years straight I had this guy in my science classes, I always had to sit in his general area and he always snuffed his nose. It was hell, I'm telling you.

Super Duck's picture

Finally, someone who knows

Finally, someone who knows what I mean! My mom thinks my aversion to noises is just silly, but these noises really and truly bother me. I can't sleep if there is ANY noise. And I would die if I had to sit near someone who constantly snuffed their nose.