Discovering The Real Me

JazzyB-Chick's picture

I never thought I would be bisexual. But thinking back I think it’s reasonable. I grew up with two brothers. My mom was never really around because she was always working so it was pretty much just my bros, my dad, and me. I always did boy stuff. I was a tom-boy growing up but my best friend was too. I never liked nail-polish or dresses. I played baseball with my brother but I was a good dancer. I started dancing when I was 2 1/2 years old. I think the only reason I danced was to learn the routine for our recital so I could see all the other girls in their costumes. Sometimes they were short and tight or baggy but I liked them anyways. I admired the older girls a lot more. A lot of them were pretty and they were fit with muscles and everything. But I started noticing it more when I got to middle school.
I joined the drill team because I’ve always wanted to follow in my mom’s footsteps. Changing in the locker room was always an issue. I tried sneaking peeks at the other girls but I would hide it by pretending to start a conversation. No one ever suspected anything. And whenever girls or guys made rude comments about sexuality, I never laughed or said anything because I was the one who was hurting. I remember once when a remark was made at me that I was a “lesbo” that I broke down crying. I just ran away because that’s all I felt I could do. I liked hanging out with a lot of my friends but looking back, I had more guy friends than girls.
I never wanted to admit to myself that I was bi because in the back of my mind I thought it couldn’t be possible. I guess I starting telling myself I was when I met the love of my life. She was like an angel sent from heaven to be with me. I always had butterflies when I saw her or talked to her. Just getting a text from her can make my day. I became so close to her after a period of 6 months. We became so close we were practically sisters. I loved her like one at first but after a while it wasn’t sister love…it was relationship love. I couldn’t take it much longer so I told her the truth. Like a miracle, it turned out that she was bi too and she liked me a lot too. I was just so happy. We flirted the rest of that night and then the next morning we got together. We dated two months. I wish it went longer because I really fell in love with her. I never loved anyone in my life like I did her. The last week of our relationship we lost contact and stopped talking every day. I got mad at her one day because she wouldn’t talk to me so the next day she dumped me. I cried for so long I thought I would never get over it. Actually I still haven’t.
Two weeks before our break-up I told my mom that I was bi and that I had a girlfriend. She accepted it well and she actually said she’d like to meet her someday. I loved the idea of it. The only problem…Destiny (my girlfriend) was 18 years old and didn’t even live here in Cali with me. The day I told my mom that I was bi, was the day that Destiny turned 18. I just wish she stayed with me. After all the promises she made me and all the good times and memories we had together, I really thought she was the one. I really miss her. So Destiny if you’re out there reading this please give me another chance. I love you so much and I care about you so much. I made mistakes but I’m only human.
Ever since our breakup I haven’t really talked to her or tried to. I just couldn’t. After everything we went through together, I couldn’t talk to her without spilling out my feelings. I haven’t even thought of getting another girlfriend but I’m looking into it. There are some girls I like at my school and on my softball team, and I think they were sent down from heaven for me to fall in love with…
What should I do? I honestly don’t want to get heartbroken again. Please give me tips and since Im kind of new to this, can yall help me out. I don’t know anybody who is bi or gay that I can look up to. I really need someone to lean on when I need help. Thx
*hugz and hearts*

Comments

Dracofangxxx's picture

Haha, I'll help you, I'm bi and a ladies lady...

But forgive me for being harsh, stop jumping all over the word "love". You're young, love takes time. Months, years... True love isn't something that just appears, it'll build.
Really, if you don't want to be heartbroken, don't say love until it's completely, honestly true. You only dated her for two months? I don't believe that's enough time for love to build, in my opinion. That's a deep LIKE.

Anyways, softball is apparently a good place to start although I've never met a Bi/les girl on there and I played for like seven years. XD
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Amazingly offensive <3

swimmerguy's picture

Well, Shelby

Not that I know anything whatsoever, but keep in mind she said she knew her well for 6 months previously. Of course, I know diddly squat about love anyway :P
Anyway, WELCOME! I'm Chad, Wozmaz, swimmerguy, swim dude, whatever you wanna call me, I swim quite a bit, if you can't tell, and my situation is somewhat like yours, although I'm a guy... and it was guys I was attracted to... and I've never had a real relationship with a guy...

ANYWAY, have a good time while here, and have fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt5ghXdq6Z0&safe_search=on

Dracofangxxx's picture

o yea I missed that part I guess

I LIKE TO CALL YOU CHAZAM OKAY
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Amazingly offensive <3

elph's picture

You could try...

Seezee :)

But, please, not Cheezee :(

elph's picture

Don't discount...

...being just a good friend.

Mutual sex (in any of its many possible manifestations) is not an immediate obligation for a rewarding relationship!

JazzyB-Chick's picture

Yea

It gets tough at times but i guess i learn from my mom to go with the flow. Anything tht doesnt kill me only makes me stronger.
*hugz n hearts*

JazzyB-Chick's picture

I get that

Im not dumb. But yes ur right. It does take alot for feelings to develop but i guess i got carried away. I knw im young and yeah things have gotten better. I guess it comes as i take my steps throughout life. I did have strong feelings for her but theres millions of ppl in this world tht wld b happy to have me (not to b conceited) I guess i just landed in the wrong place at the wrong time. Things happen. Im not saying i knw everything cuz i sure dont. But i knw my feelings and knw one can tell me otherwise
*hugz n hearts*