So here's a general life update in the life of me, Eli (Jeremy?)...yeah, here goes.
So the being I consider to be closest to is my dog. I consider her my puppy although she's aging so she's no puppy. She and I are like best friends/sisters/confidants/therapists all rolled into one. I often tell her whats going on with me because I know that no matter what I say, she'll still be there to wag her tail when she sees me. And I love that. That unconditional love is a big thing for me, since I tend to have intense relationships that get broken up by my confessing too much. But she's always been there for me and I love her for that. Anyway, she's 13.5 years old now, as I said, she's no puppy. She's been getting over a slight cough/cold, but we're relieved. We're relieved because for a while every time she would take a breath, she'd wheeze. And so she went to the vet and at first they thought maybe it would be pharyngeal paralysis, but luckily its not. Otherwise, they'd have to like tie down her layrnx or whatever if we decided to go the route of getting surgery. :/
So that's a good thing.
By the way, that's going to be my new thing...counting the good and the bad so that I make sure to acknowledge the good in my life.
This week I had some backwards steps in terms of my depression.
This week I used the phone to initiate phone calls asking for help/coaching when I needed it.
I weighed myself even though I've been working so hard to resist that.
I talked honestly with my psychiatrist on Friday, told her everything that happened on Thursday and made sure to be assertive and say that I was not content with my medications.
I did not get to tell my therapist the whole story about what went on Thursday night even though she needs to know.
I received a 66% on my Psychology exam, followed up by a lecture from my mom about how should I expect to do better if I'm not studying like I'm supposed to?
I received an 86% on my Film midterm.
Acted opposite to emotions by eating meals closer to being considered "normal"
Depression worse than its been
Used the butterfly project to help prevent me from self-harming
Resisted using the butterfly project Thursday, Friday, Saturday
Yeah, that was a boring journal but that's more for me to look back on and show my therapist and such. So feel free to comment.