Hospitalized

Ask Tell Deceive's picture

I'm alive. The last message I wrote you was not written while I was high, although I was drunk and about to swallow the pills that landed me in a public hospital. I hate it here.

I will be honest. I wish I had succeeded. As someone here noted, it was april fool's day when I posted. I wasn't joking, but perhaps the world was when it refused to let me die.

I'm sitting in bed with my laptop, with a nurse posted nearby so as to make sure I'm alright. They were upset with Stieg because he was the only one who could bring me here and do all the paperwork. I have no next-of-kin, after all.

I understand why he saved me. But that doesn't stop me from being upset about it.

I'm sorry for causing you all concern. I don't know what possessed me to inform you all of that, it'd have been much more polite to hav just slipped away and let Oasis believe whatever they wanted. Or, most likely, not have noticed.

Thank you for your caring. I only hope I can get back to my home and away from all these people.

Comments

radiosilence95's picture

You NEED help. I don't want

You NEED help. I don't want you to destroy yourself. I know this sounds cheesy, but it's never to late to change things. I've seen alcohol and drugs destroy people I know and love. I don't want you to end up like them.

Please, please, please hang in there. I will keep you in my thoughts, and I hope you make a full recovery so you can get the hell out of the hospital and make a change for the better.

ferrets's picture

indeed

please do get the already mentioned help. you may thinkg people wouldnt notice you being gone, but they certainley would

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

Dracofangxxx's picture

Blaw blaw

You know what's stupid? WANTING to die. Think about how many damned cancer patients out there, ones who love life, ones who wish they had a CHOICE to live. Imagine how they feel being forced to die and knowing people out here are like you, wishing they could be dead. Imagine their families, their dreams, all crushed.

It's sick, stupid, and cowardly, to give up your life. If you don't have a will to live, maybe you don't deserve it. You have to fight for your life.

I like you. But you're being stupid.
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Amazingly offensive <3

ferrets's picture

i feel...

your being far to blunt. this isnt helpful, its just negative criticism. theres a to go about things, and this isnt it. this is like...oh god, i know i use anologies to often, you must excuse me, but its like using TNT to open your refrigorator, it may work, but it may also just fuck it all up and leave a massive smoking crater in your house, in which case neither you nor your refrigerator, nor the food you were wishing to get from it have won, your all either on fire or with a giant hole in your house.

and what if that was to obscure, which i bet it was for almost anyone in the world besides myself, im saying you speak your mind to unflitered. you dont take into account, i think, the way your words could affect someone. kind of like your comment on the previous journal, when you thoguht that it might just be some screwed up april fools. i mean what did that accomplish at all? in that scenerio, it could have done nothing really. if the person was doing an april fools youve just given them the attention they want and if they were serious they would read that and just sigh and feel worse.

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

Ask Tell Deceive's picture

You know how I feel about

You know how I feel about arguments on a support site, I think if we have nothing to say that's supportive, not to say anything. But here I'm going to make an exception. Go to hell. You're amazingly imbecilic if you this is the way to treat someone in any sort of state; even I know that, and I don't have any clue as to social rights and wrongs.

Just because someone is worse off than me doesn't make it wrong for me to feel hopeless. You can't imagine why I do the things I do, what I've been through. So there are people who don't want to die. What does that have to do with me? I'm no coward. I know this because I'm not afraid to die. Most people are afraid of death, and it's perfectly fine for them to do so. I want to die. I want to move on from this world of pain to a world where I can see my family, my boyfriend, and my god again. I don't see how that's stupid.

Dracofangxxx's picture

You're a coward because you're afraid of life!

I'm supporting you living, supporting you not making a stupid decision you can never retake, I support you being SMART.

Maybe I don't kiss your ass, but my message is the same: You have a billion things to live for, and the fact that you're not going to just live your life out when you get one chance IS STUPID.

Even if there's afterlife, what if your boyfriend doesn't love you anymore? You can't know! You can't know anything, and you're stupid to throw away a good life that people would BEG to have.
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Amazingly offensive <3

Ask Tell Deceive's picture

So I'm stupid. All the more

So I'm stupid. All the more reason to rid this place of my presence.

Dracofangxxx's picture

No, stop being dramatic.

You're stupid if you DIE.
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Amazingly offensive <3

radiosilence95's picture

I do agree with you. Wanting

I do agree with you. Wanting to die is rather cowardly. And you do make a good point. And hey, maybe Ask Tell Deceive needs to hear the truth, even if it sounds harsh. You have to fight for your life. And if you don't think your life is worth fighting for, then you've already lost the battle.

I know that sounds cold and blunt. But Shelby, you make a wonderful arguement. Thank you for your brutal honesty.

lonewolf678's picture

Amazing.

Are you the site troll?

Dracofangxxx's picture

No...

I have an opinion, too. Just because I don't go around sucking everyone's cock and being oh-so-super nice when they're being retards doesn't make me a troll.

I don't say these things for TEH LULZ. I say them because it's true. I don't support people who run around saying OH POOR ME I WANT TO DIE/MY LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE because EVERYONE has problems.

People who are suicidal DON'T need to be BABIED. And it is stupid, cowardly, pathetic, rediculous to kill yourself. Afterlife or not, it's PATHETIC. OH MY, LIFE IS SO HARD, I MUST DIE TO MAKE IT BETTER.
It won't make it better. You'll just cease to exist. Blank.

As Magic Fantastic always says, in the end of the day, someone on the internet has disagreed with you.
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Amazingly offensive <3

ferrets's picture

the truth...

is a matter of opinon. shelby was being overly aggressive, it was like an assault on ATD for being suicidal. honesty may be a virtue, but so is tact. and i feel that this is a supportive site, not a fix-yourself-now-or-screw-off site.

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

lonewolf678's picture

I'm glad,

that you are alive.