So, we had like a graduation required, 3 hour assembly today. On insecurities.
And some parts were okay, these people from our school came up and talked about their fucked up childhoods (i.e. as a toddler having a gun put against her head and got threatened to be killed because her stepfather owed money to these guys).
And I thought that was certainly tragic, and more entertaining than some stuff we've done before, but really, I can't identify with that. At all.
When I was a toddler we moved so many times I can't count or remember them all, mostly around Nevada, before moving up to Washington where we've been for 10 years.
That's all the trauma I had as a toddler.
So, it's just unimaginable for me to imagine these people's stories (i.e. I was so screwed up I drank so much I puked all over myself and didn't change for a week)
so I didn't think they really helped that much.
Then we went into our English classes and did activities and things about insecurities. We had to fill out this pyramid which was our school's social pyramid.
And I was like, I'm sorry, I don't know, I don't care. One of the examples of social classes was "girls who wear Uggs", and I put my hand up and was like, "uuhhhh, what are Uggs, and why would they change the social class of the girls who wear them?"
Apparently they're like fuzzy boots, and they're like so cool that they can put the girls who wear them in a class by themselves or something?
Anyway, I care so little, like I'm not sure if you even get how much it is of complete indifference to me what social class people are in and how they are grouped.
If someone is pleasant to be around, I hang around them, if they're not, I don't. Also, if I see qualities in distant people that to me imply that I would hate the balls of this person, I generally avoid them, because I don't have time to try to become friends with everyone, so I just try to make the process as easy as possible by having an initial cut.
But, like I didn't even know that people saw people at our school as being in social classes, or being popular, I didn't know that.
I thought that was a stereotype of all schools, and most didn't actually have that.
Also, we had to write on a sheet of paper our biggest insecurities which we would put in a box that would then be burned, but wasn't, I heard because of like fire marshall complaints or something.
But I was at a loss for a while at what to put on my piece of paper.
I can't think of a single insecurity. Really. I can't.
Maybe being gay sometimes, but not as of now. Would I feel scared to have a bf and go around in public holding his hand? I dunno, maybe. But what I do know is that I could get over it.
So, I just didn't get it.
Anyway, I'm going to try Day of Silence again this year. I tried last year, and miserably failed.
It's harder than I thought.
But as of now I'm determined and confident.
What I thought was weird is that sometimes I thought of Libya and the revolution and how like some of the Benghazi rebels just have to leave their homes and fight a war that is kinda stacked against them, but they fight it just because someone has to oppose the Colonel, he can't be allowed to stay forever.
And I wondered if I'd be able to do that, given the chance.
And then, when thinking DOS, I was thinking, "damn, it's on Friday, I usually have great discussions with Coach Lee about politics and other matters on Friday, but I won't be able to talk. Maybe I could just for a while..."
But then I was like, daaaayuuum suuuuun, you're wondering if you could stand up against a Colonel in Libya to almost certain death, but you can't even give up stimulating conversation for one day to stand up for what you believe in?
So I am resolved that even if I make a mistake like last year, I refuse to give up.