Why do I feel so detached from everything?
Is it a sign of a problem when I become so detached I don't 'feel' like I have any more problems?
Like a cancerous growth inside me that I haven't discovered or have learnt to ignore -
But I no longer feel its pain either.
So what difference does it actually make? Is it true that you need problems to make you more human, to make you understand the highs and lows, to make you empathise better?
Why is this all about outcomes? Is there something else just... intrinsically wrong about it?
I -think- (not feel) of myself as a totally administered machine. I have direction. I churn out essays. I carve out bits of my life to socialise, to exercise, to rest. I debate ideas I no longer believe in (and win). I act on stage (but I'm no longer performing). I already speak three languages yet I'm learning German and Japanese (not for their beauty, but for their means-end utility to potentital future careers). I do my hair everyday, I exfoliate my skin, I make myself perfectly presentable. I think socialising is reducible to formulas. People are more or less moulds of similar things.
Is nothing for the here and now? What does that even mean?