Multiculturalism, and internalized homophobia

swimmerguy's picture

So, I've been skiing for the past few days, which means no swimming :P
Sad day for Chad.
And the weather wasn't ah mazing, it was snowing and windy and foggy and everything bad incarnate. You couldn't see beautiful Mt. Rainier, which is right next to the resort, tallest mountain in Washington, 14,410 feet, BEAUTIFUL, SEXY hunk of rock.
It's perhaps sexier than a Bugatti Veyron, the sexiest car, and maybe less sexy than a Madrone, the sexiest tree.

Our school has a Multicultural Club. Which I think is ridiculous. Part of their mission statement is to "celebrate our school's diversity", which I think is kinda unnecessary.
Sometimes it seems like our society has shifted so far from the Civil Rights Movement that now everyone is in a race to prove how unracist they are. Like my brother got a pamphlet from the University of Washington where he's applying, and out of like 25 people featured in pictures, maybe 5 of them were white. It's like, that can hardly be a representative sample. Whether we like it or not, the US, and Washington, are mainly white.
But when I'm not racist, it's not to prove anything, I don't think the term un-racist even applies to me. It's just, the concept of however much melanin your skin may produce, altering the color, or wherever your ancetors are from, matters to me so little.
It's like how everyone feels about people with long noses, it's just a quality that matters so incredibly little no one goes around saying "look how much I don't hate people with long noses!!!!", because to do that is in itself acknowledging a difference, which there is absolutely none.
So I just care so little about the amount of melanin produced by other people's skin, that the thought of joining a club to celebrate it seems ludacris.

And I have been so happy recently, so incredibly happy and thrilled to be alive, it's been amazing. Except for one thing.
Internalized homophobia. Mostly from watching 6 feet under, where there's all the straight actors and their partners, and then the gay younger brother and his husband. And it just looks so different, and the thought that I don't even have the choice between them, makes me all sad day.
And then I'm like "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE BEING FUCKING DEPRESSING AGAIN!!!! *SLAP* *SLAP* *SLAP*"
I thought I'd resolved this a year and a half ago, and was well resigned to my life. I guess not. And it bugs me to bring this up here, but hey, this is my gay site, and where else would I bring it up?
So yeah :P
Well, would I feel better, if now, at this moment, I had a boyfriend?
Yes, I think I would.
Okay, that works for me then :P

But tell me, how are you doing?

Comments

625539's picture

reminds me of my catholic

reminds me of my catholic school, everyone was white. for real. there was one black student in my grade, 10ish asians and one muslim girl. then 300 white kids. but on all the promotional material they just took every student who wasn't white, so it looks like we have students from all over. not even joking. and they are consciously trying to take in less caucasian students and more students of other backgrounds, which is sort of really dumb. (it was the top school in the province, so a lot of people apply there, surely they should do it by test scores? bleh.)

i sort-of get the concept of internalized homophobia but it's never really applied to me. it's just how i am, you know? and sure, my life would be "easier" if i was straight but there's so many things that being gay give you as a person. you treat love so much more carefully because it's that much harder to find, it becomes something so much more precious because it doesn't come often. plus, hot girls want to be friends with you when you're gay, which is always a bonus.

and i'm doing good today, thank you

ferrets's picture

just out of curiosity...

why would a muslim family have their daughter go to a catholic school? just for the educational value i guess?

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

625539's picture

seeing as it was the top

seeing as it was the top ranked school, it's the only reason. hardly anyone there was actually catholic.
although it's not strictly a catholic school, it's more of a business... based on "catholic values". hm.

radiosilence95's picture

The whole racism thing is

The whole racism thing is ridiculous. I don't judge by skin color. I judge by personality. I think that in a weird way, people who are trying hard to be anti-racist are just being racist in the process because they're sooo desperate to not notice skin color that they end up doing it anyway. I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Like Magic Fantastic said, living a heterosexual lifestyle would make things easier for me in the years to come. But I've never really had a problem with my sexuality. Of course, I'm in the "early stages" of figuring out my sexual orientation. I've never had an official girlfriend before. But I desperately want one.

How am I doing? Well I'm just swell, thank you for asking.

Splash's picture

So this is what randomly

So this is what randomly came into my head when I read this (hope the embed works!):

It's only tangentially related, but... :-)

I think, perhaps, racial diversity is one of those things that has greater personal value if one is not white? I'm not sure. I do think that things like being politically correct tend to get a little out of hand (read the play Oleanna sometime, it makes the point well).

And now I have had a SECOND random song pop into my head:



~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

hellonwheels's picture

jealous of crystal

as my friend owed me two trips there this season and it never panned out, and as for how im doing...same problem as you really. my last journal kinda sheds lighgt on it...

where you able to run northback and king? or were there lots of exposed rocks? either way, four days @ crystal and rainier/ greenwater= awesomeness

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

elph's picture

Please expand on the thoughts...

expressed in the paragraph: Internalized homophobia.

Through metaphor and allusion you've cracked open the door to the passageway leading to where your mind's innermost thoughts reside. It cries out for yet more penetrating introspection...

Uh... the gay younger brother and his husband. You and... ?

Don't rush it! Many excursions into happiness lie ahead... naturally. Maybe not today... yet, it's just possible :)

Riku's picture

As a person that is mixed

As a person that is mixed and male, my photo ends up on a lot of stuff... Art related things are generally female dominated, and I live in New Hampshire... It's actually really annoying; I don't like the attention. XP I pretty much expect it now though. Like, my photograph taken : photograph used ratio is -much- higher than that of most people I know. If there is someone taking pictures for some kind of article or whatever, I can pretty much expect my photo to show up in the publication...

As far as a multicultural club goes, white privilege still exists, so I can understand that.

Sorry about the internal conflict. :[ I'm seconding what Magic Fantastic said, because he's right.

I'm doing well. I want a boyfriend too, (well actually gender doesn't matter to me...) haha. But it's incredibly unlikely that I'll meet anyone between now and art school. After that, I have no idea, but I'm pretty much resigned to singleness until then. :P

rainbow_power's picture

Doesn't everyone?

Doesn't everyone want a boyfriend/girlfriend who doesn't have one? I know I sure do. And I have already had one. Obviously not anymore. I don't want two. I'm not that greedy!