So, I've been skiing for the past few days, which means no swimming :P
Sad day for Chad.
And the weather wasn't ah mazing, it was snowing and windy and foggy and everything bad incarnate. You couldn't see beautiful Mt. Rainier, which is right next to the resort, tallest mountain in Washington, 14,410 feet, BEAUTIFUL, SEXY hunk of rock.
It's perhaps sexier than a Bugatti Veyron, the sexiest car, and maybe less sexy than a Madrone, the sexiest tree.
Our school has a Multicultural Club. Which I think is ridiculous. Part of their mission statement is to "celebrate our school's diversity", which I think is kinda unnecessary.
Sometimes it seems like our society has shifted so far from the Civil Rights Movement that now everyone is in a race to prove how unracist they are. Like my brother got a pamphlet from the University of Washington where he's applying, and out of like 25 people featured in pictures, maybe 5 of them were white. It's like, that can hardly be a representative sample. Whether we like it or not, the US, and Washington, are mainly white.
But when I'm not racist, it's not to prove anything, I don't think the term un-racist even applies to me. It's just, the concept of however much melanin your skin may produce, altering the color, or wherever your ancetors are from, matters to me so little.
It's like how everyone feels about people with long noses, it's just a quality that matters so incredibly little no one goes around saying "look how much I don't hate people with long noses!!!!", because to do that is in itself acknowledging a difference, which there is absolutely none.
So I just care so little about the amount of melanin produced by other people's skin, that the thought of joining a club to celebrate it seems ludacris.
And I have been so happy recently, so incredibly happy and thrilled to be alive, it's been amazing. Except for one thing.
Internalized homophobia. Mostly from watching 6 feet under, where there's all the straight actors and their partners, and then the gay younger brother and his husband. And it just looks so different, and the thought that I don't even have the choice between them, makes me all sad day.
And then I'm like "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE BEING FUCKING DEPRESSING AGAIN!!!! *SLAP* *SLAP* *SLAP*"
I thought I'd resolved this a year and a half ago, and was well resigned to my life. I guess not. And it bugs me to bring this up here, but hey, this is my gay site, and where else would I bring it up?
So yeah :P
Well, would I feel better, if now, at this moment, I had a boyfriend?
Yes, I think I would.
Okay, that works for me then :P
But tell me, how are you doing?