I adjudicated two high school debates tonight, got paid $50 yeah! I hate how when teams lose they feel really upset. It cuts me up inside a little bit - because a few years ago I was in their position. At the same time I hate even more the kids who can't take a loss and come up and argue over outcomes. They need to have some respect.
In a week I'm off to a five-day tournament. Hopefully I'll do well in that. I have to admit I'm kind of nervous. They are quickfire rounds - which means only five minute preparation time! And sometimes really specific topics... like international relations. But everyone's in the same situation right?
I got emailed the script of the German Play. I still can't believe I'm part of the cast. My german is horrendous. In some ways I was hoping or at least expecting not to get in - but now I have it's another weekly commitment.
I think I have this excessive compulsion to do as much as possible. In high school I definitely did that - last year I dropped everything. But this year... it feels like it's too much to throw away. But university tournaments are so much harder - it's a lot more discouraging when you do a lot and never make it to the very top. I guess it takes time right? I definitely have the potential - all it takes is practice.
I wish I didn't live in New Zealand. I definitely think I'm good enough for a prestigious overseas university (so many of my friends applied and made it - some at Oxford, Yale, Amherst, King's College - even my boyfriend did who's leaving in August). Over here I feel so suffocated. I feel I get much less out of what I put in - simply because of the name.