"you spend far to much time on that thing"
my mum has been annoying me recently with her antics over how i am always on my laptop. I pushed it aside the fact that i am on it quite regally, thus it has got to the point were i am nearly attached to the hip with it. It is quite awful really. The fact that remains the solid truth that my life is slowly descending into a cyber mess.
I have always been shy throughout growing up and therefore this has acted out on how i have a very small group of friends. I find it increasing hard to socialise. I hate how speaking to someone always has to be dissolved down to small talk. I tell myself that i will find some person else but nothing has yet to come. My friends seem to lock themselves away from me through the holidays ( which have just begun for me) and this then concludes for my comfort of the internet. Since a lot of my personal and school work is related under "research" i use my laptop a lot. But i don't like it that i have really hardly any friends and spend most of my time locked away indoors and if i ever go out maybe to town i usually alone.
I have gradually cured boredom with small things that have no actual impact. i know i have talked about my friendship stuff before but when my mum said about "i am wasting my youth" it struck a raw nerve. I dont want to spend all my privileged youth and freedom of being a teenager, stuck in my four walls of my bedroom. Sometimes yes it is nice to close off from the world but i jut want to get out and meet someone. I never wanted to feel like it but i have got horribly desperate.