a comment response, I want things to be clear.

625539's picture

"24 May, 2011 - 9:00am — Yamamoto

Then why do you write sad poems if you are so happy?... That makes absouletely less sense than there being a old man in the sky who grants wishes...

No love is ripping you to pieces just like every other idiot and your are to blind to see it, but one day you will come bicthing on this site... and then I will be the first one to tell you in the most cold manner, that I fucking told you so.

Love is a piece of shit and that matters... I have never seen it, and so it's exsitance to me is as real as the extantiance of any silly deity that the human mind has ever deicded to make up."

(first off, swearing makes your argument much less credible.)

Yes, I come to this website to express my anger, fear, anxiety about life in general. Yes, as a human being I tend to be negative and to put myself down. And yes, I write "sad poetry" about it. That does not mean I am miserable 24/7. Most of the time, I'm pretty neutral and often happy.

Reminder: none of you know me in person.

I don't deny that I am occasionally ripped apart, "en lambeaux" as I once put it. Sometimes shit happens. Life isn't always perfect.

But at the end of the day my boyfriend cares so much about my happiness, when stuff gets me down he brings me back up. And I do my best to do the same. Yesterday, he moved mountains just to see me because I caused a big argument with everyone close to me, including him. He is kind, patient, loving. And for what it's worth, my eighteen-minus-one-day self would like to spend "forever" with him, whatever that means to you.

So yeah, if or when it ends I will be tattered. No denying that. But for now, I love him as he loves me. And if that changes it does not change the present. At some point, he & I will have loved each other.

Love is real.

Comments

radiosilence95's picture

Wait...if Yamamoto's never

Wait...if Yamamoto's never seen or experienced love, then how can he say that it's a "piece of shit"? Hm. Interesting.

Anyway, I'm glad you have someone who cares about you and loves you. And I also write some pretty sad poetry, but I do it to expel that sadness from my mind. Once I write it out in a poem, I don't feel as sad. All of my negative emotions are transferred to the paper, it seems.

625539's picture

Exactly. Writing serves to

Exactly. Writing serves to me as a purge for negativity, so that I can avoid it in my day-to-day life.

ChrisH1551's picture

That jerk is pissing me off

That jerk is pissing me off with his mentioning of "a silly deity". He needs to back the fuck off religion, and focus on all his problems.

lonewolf678's picture

Chris,

relax, both of us are religious and verily spiritual individuals. Now I can admit it flustered me when I read that as well, but Yamamoto is very tolerant if you get to know him and not argue with him. I feel that he said that out of anger and he really didn't mean that. And so I take it as a grain of sand.

I recommend following the teachings of Isa who you know as Jesus or Yeshua. I will now quote a piece of his teachings here,

from: The Gospel according to St. Luke, "And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also."

ChrisH1551's picture

BUT WAIT. Since love is

BUT WAIT. Since love is real, and he just hasn't seen it because he's...nevermind...that means that "silly deity" that I love is real. Yama, you fail troll.

lonewolf678's picture

I remember,

back when I used to resemble a wad of glamour metal emo hack. I used to be like "FUCK LOVE" and all of that usual emo shit. I thought I was unloveable and back then I had that pseudo-depression. But now that I've lived life a little more and have experience things, I know love exists.

You can't see love, but you can feel it. Much like I feel the presence of God (of which at the time of my emo affliction I also had doubts of).

everynothing's picture

Perhaps,

Love is a piece of shit. Atleast, to Yamamato, it may be.
And, also, love /can/ be a piece of shit. Or atleast, the humans who manipulate with it.

So perhaps, give Yamamato some slack. It is, in some ways true.

But, he seems to have lost sight that, like all things, not only is there a dark side to everything, there is also a light side.

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~

625539's picture

I shouldn't have included

I shouldn't have included Yama's name in the entry - I didn't mean to direct this to him, rather I wanted to make a general about my experience. If I wanted to say something to him I would have written him a PM message. The only thing meant directly for him was the part about swearing.

It occurred to me that others might or might not be thinking along the same lines. That I can seem so desperate and hopeless sometimes yet I'm always the first to defend love, especially now.

And I hate hypocrisy, so it was just meant as a clarification. Alright? No fighting.

Yamamoto's picture

So now you guys all hate me

So now you guys all hate me just becuase I don't accept that love is not a piece of crap. Well excuse me, but every attempt at love I have ever tried was just another person using me for whatever reason.... and mostly it was just for sex, which I never gave those idiots... thank god... and this is kind of the reason that I hate sex and find it to be as much a peice of crap as love, but that is another point. So ACTUALLY I CAN SAY THAT LOVE IS A PEICE OF CRAP... Becuase I know that personally form experiance..

Don't give me any of that stuff about 'there are plently of fish in the sea' becuase there are not. When you are some fat ugly little guy like me... no one wants you expect for maybe a quick bag over the face fuck and go. SO YES LOVE IS A PIECE OF CRAP... Actually I should say evil whore... sinice it seems to whore self out to you guys while I am left with nothing
:(

625539's picture

Did you even read the

Did you even read the comment I posted right before yours? I don't hate you.

By the way, your experience is not necessarily absolute truth.

Yamamoto's picture

I don't care if it is not

I don't care if it is not absoulte truth... let me see if I can explian it to you this way.

While maybe for you Magic, this may not be truth at all... for me it is. I have to live through it every single day. Knowing that I will never be loved and will always be a lonely little monster. Unlike you I will never have someone to love and comfornt me when things get hard...

Because in the end love is a whore and has completely abondoned me. It showed me it's ture colors, and maybe there is somthing about you that makes it where you will never experiance that... and really I don't know what that is, but good for you that you have it. So while it may not be the absoulte truth Magic... it is still my truth, and I have to die a little inside everyday becuase of it... :(

625539's picture

love might come when you

love might come when you least expect it.
*hugs*

kamkam's picture

exactly

you never know what might happen in the future

may the crests of light,love,hope,courage,and kindness shine brightly on a new day.

Yamamoto's picture

I am 21 years old and have

I am 21 years old and have never known the meaning of love... I kind of think it is to late for me by this point :(

kamkam's picture

you're wrong

its never too late to find love

may the crests of light,love,hope,courage,and kindness shine brightly on a new day.

Yamamoto's picture

That is just your childish

That is just your childish youth talking... I used to think the same thing. Before I saw how bad reality was. I am kind of gald most you will never have to live the way I will... alone and cold for the rest of my life. :'(

I don't think I want to be nice anymore ethier... :( I don't care if I have friends anymore, sinice all friends ever are to me... is just a means to find love. :( I don't really care about them beyond that... :( At least until I find love... then I will have time to care about my friends.

ChrisH1551's picture

Okay, I'm tired of your

Okay, I'm tired of your depressed ass spewing depression every where. It's not childish, it's just an optomistic outlook on life. Where yours is pestemistic. Reality is what you make it to be. Don't like life? Work to change it. Don't cry about on some blog about how your life sucks. Go out and try to change that. It works.

everynothing's picture

That,

Was not what you said when we told you to stand up for yourself to bullies.

The exact opposite, actually.

Don't be a cruel hypocrite to someone who has tried to make amends with you, childish blogger.

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~

ChrisH1551's picture

I have no idea what you mean

I have no idea what you mean by that

But I'm not going to argue with my list. ^m^

Yamamoto's picture

Really all I can change

Really all I can change about my life is myself... and I am currently working on doing that, but what I worry and cry myself to sleep is the things I can't control. No guy is going to want to date me, and I am not sure why. I am a very good person and I know I would be a good boyfriend... yet the world just has this thing against people who don't have this certian somthing... :( I don't understand what it is that allows normal people to find love, and freaks like me to not find it, but really it really is starting to bother me...

kamkam's picture

two things

1: yama you know for a fact that we don't hate you

2: we all have our opinions guys yama says love sucks because of personal experience and you guys say it doesn't and I'm sure you guys have good reasons for that opinion.

may the crests of light,love,hope,courage,and kindness shine brightly on a new day.

Yamamoto's picture

I know you guys don't hate

I know you guys don't hate me.... I just am just kind of prone to saying that whenever I get mad ^ ^;

ChrisH1551's picture

Er...

At least one of us hates you. But that's just me. I'm an unforgiving, grudge holding, bitch. ^_^

everynothing's picture

No,

You're just an immature little boy.

Very different from an "unforgiving, grudge holding, bitch."

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~

ChrisH1551's picture

If I'm that, what does that

If I'm that, what does that make you and Yama, stooping down to that level? :O Oh snap.

Yamamoto's picture

I haven't stooped.. I

I haven't stooped.. I actually forgave you Chris and I still do. I want to be friends with you and you will not let me :(... So actually I haven't done anything of what your talking about. I am just expressing my feelings over my jounrals. :(

I really wish you would drop this Chris and I just want for there to be peace bettewen us. :) Peace buddy?

ChrisH1551's picture

What did I do that deemed

What did I do that deemed your forgivness?

Yamamoto's picture

Nothing, I just forgave you

Nothing, I just forgave you becuase I have no reason to hold a grugde against you. All I want to do is be friends with people :) Why would I need a reason to forgive you?

everynothing's picture

He

Doesn't need a reason to forgive you, because he's a mature human being with compassion.

Unlike you, apparently.

You say you are against bullying,
When you bully Yamamato for no reason.

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~

ChrisH1551's picture

apparently

You haven't even looked into this whole thing between Yama and I. It goes deeper than what you've seen on here, which I'm guessing is minimal compared to what HAS happened. So shut it if you don't know anything. Please and thanks! ^m^

Yamamoto's picture

Chris there is nothing

Chris there is nothing bettewen me and you. This is all on you... your the one that keeps dragging it on, and frankly the only thing that keeps it going is the fact that other people beside me respond to you on this subject or else it would be dead a long time ago. That is really all there is to it... I don't care at all, I just want you to leave me alone.

everynothing's picture

I Haven't Stooped

As I have not pointedly been unkind to you for no reason.

Now, I have a reason, as you're being a massive bully, and I don't understand why Jeff isn't doing something about it, when you obviously aren't going to stop harrassing Yamamato.

And, yes, you are harrassing him.

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~

Yamamoto's picture

Everynothing you have to

Everynothing you have to understand that Jeff is a very... how should I put this nicely... 'hands off' admin :P He seems to let things just keep going along like this, and just lets people work there on problems out. So the best thing to do is just ingore Chris when he is being silly like this :P And talk to him when he is being a nice guy :D That way there are no arguements.

I still though want to be friends with you Chris... that offer is always on the table.

jeff's picture

yeah...

I figure if we can't resolve our own issues on an LGBT site, then we're really screwed in the larger world.

If you don't like what Chris posts, and you reply to it, and he replies to you not liking it, and you reply that he's immature because he replied to your reply to not reply.... at some point, it's up to you to realize the second reply that keeps it going is controlled by you.

I'm here to try and run the site, not the conversations.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

Riku's picture

Dropping off my more than two cents.

Okayso 1. passing off someone's opinion as false due to age? Can we please not do that? Being young doesn't make someone's thoughts/opinions/ideas invalid. Yeah younger people tend to be more idealistic, but maybe the rest of us should be too.

2. Chris, Yama. Could you guys please stop it? Just ignore each other or something. >_>

3. Being that convinced that love is terrible and that you'll never find it is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. The other person is only half of what makes a relationship work. You're the other half.

4. I think love is pretty wonderful, actually. And this is coming from a person with history of having strong unrequited feelings for people. XD When love is bad it's because of other stuff, like jealousy, insecurity, and betrayal.

Yamamoto's picture

In truth Riku your opinion

In truth Riku your opinion doesn't matter that much, becuase most of you could never understand me. Most of you seem to be progressing along human relationship paths in quite a normal rate... at least in my opinion. While I seem to be falling behind everyone, to the point that it is started to look very strange that I have no friends or boyfriends...

This makes me a prime target for the thoughts, by potential mates that there is somthing emotional wrong with me when in truth I am prefectly fine. Plus the fact that I recently found out that my sex organs have been rendered completely usless by medication that I can't stop taking or else you will probably here about me stringing myself and maybe other people up form a tree... yet that is beside the point to :P....

I have my reasons to think the way I do, but that doesn't mean that I am not open... just incase the impossiable should happen. Yet I am not waiting on or expecting it to. I understand that the world has decided that I am a monster who is not fit to be loved becuase I look differnt and I have disablities...

Riku's picture

Okay, you're not a special

Okay, you're not a special snowflake that nobody could possibly understand or relate to. You're still human yeah? You'd be surprised how much each of us has been through or has to deal with. I come across a lot of people that think "OH WOW EVERYONE ELSE IS SO HAPPY THEIR LIVES MUST BE SO MUCH BETTER THAN MINE." But they're sooooo so wrong.

A lot of people appear happy when they aren't, and a lot of people are happy and, frankly have pretty shitty lives.

A lot of people have a life you think you want and would do anything to escape it too.

Aaanndd, there's no such thing as a "normal rate". Plus, if there was, I'd be completely failing at it. The ONE relationship I've been in didn't last very long, it wasn't even halfway what I'd consider healthy, and it was three years ago. I'm 18. I keep falling for people that don't want me back and I'm so used to this unrequited business that I'm pretty afraid of being in a real relationship. That's not what I'd call "normal" but I'm okay with it.

You assume that we can't understand you because we disagree with you or because our experience is different, and then you shut out our opinions entirely because of that? That's silly. How do you expect to learn when you shut out anything that doesn't already fit your view?

And look. Don't get me started about sex organs okay? Between being trans, bleeding for 11 weeks nearly non-stop, having pain during and after sexual stimulation, and not being able to orgasm (at all. Ever.), I could write a small book about my sexual problems. What's better is that most of this stuff I can't do much about.

AND EVEN AFTER ALL OF THAT I don't consider myself sexually incompetent. In short, there's a lot more to sex than just "part A into slot B".

I know people who "look different" and have disabilities who are in relationships, I know people who fit those criteria and are married. Humans have this incredible ability to find beauty in everything and just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it's not there. This applies to you just as much as it does to everyone else...

But, just because you're not actively shutting out opportunity doesn't mean you're not pushing it away.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

There is a big difference between everyone being normal as opposed to them just not staying fixated on their misery.

The world takes its cues from you, though. If you are seen as a monster that isn't fit to be loved, question why you make people think that. You determine to a large degree how you are perceived.

It is sort of like when people come out. If you tell people you're gay like you would tell them you have stage 4 cancer, they will react that way. If you tell them you're gay and that it's awesome, they will be happy for you. So, don't be surprised if the energy you put out into the world returns to you. That's how it works.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

Yamamoto's picture

I don't understand that all

I don't understand that all out :(... I don't understand how the way I think about myself can decide how people think about me. That is extermly creepy... I mean how do they know what I am thinking in my mind. Becuase until they start thinking better about me, then there is no way I can stop thinking of myself as a monster... :( So it looks like I am stuck in a cycle that is not going to end. I am sorry, but until I have proff that I am not a monster, then that is what I am...

PS: You guys saying so is not proof... Becuase I can't see you or talk to you to get your ture opinion by looking at your obviously disgusted body language which I am sure that is what I would see if I meet any of...

jeff's picture

Well..

You're screwed then... the cycle changes starting with you, not the other way around.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

ChrisH1551's picture

Yama's posts like "OH MAI

Yama's posts like "OH MAI GAWD NOBODY WILL UNDERSTAND ME OR LOVE ME *death*" Are the kind of things that piss me off. Here in about a week or two he'll be back to his posts about games and shit, then be in his angry phase, then his depression phase. It's the way he works to naturally absorb drama. Yama, you need to stop spewing depression everywhere and start listening. The people like Riku and Jeff are here to help you, not to prove you wrong or anything. But if you don't want the help, that's fine. I see no reason you should be on here then. ^_^

Yamamoto's picture

Chris I am begging you to

Chris I am begging you to please quick bullying me :(... I just want you to leave me, I am begging you to just stop... Though I know you want, but why do you do this. You are starting to cause me as much distress as those kids who bullied me in 3rd grade and I really want you to stop. It is no longer funny and no longer cool. :( If you really don't believe that bullying is right, then please stop...

Becuase dispite what you believe Chirs... this harassment is bullying. So if you can't be friends with me, which the offer is still there... then at least stop bothering me...

and also don't worry, I do lisitin to peopls advice.

ChrisH1551's picture

This MAY be bullying,

But I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine. What it was like when you first got here, and bullied me.

everynothing's picture

Wowwww

So you are a bully.

And you said you hated bullies.

Pathetic hypocrite.

You're no better than the bullies who push people to suicide, for what you knowingly do.

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~

ChrisH1551's picture

Bitch.

You obviously do NOT get my point.

Yama = Bullied me for much more...stupid...reasons, before you even got on here, so don't be talking shit about stuff you don't even know.

It's a constructive bullying, to get him to see what he's dealt onto me, and I'm sure what he's done to others in real life.

This is NOT Your fight, so back the fuck off.

everynothing's picture

Heh, No.

I don't "Back Off", especially when your point sucks.

Yama apologized. And he stopped.
He obviously learned his lesson.

So your bullying is not constructive. It's for YOUR enjoyment.

You're cruel for enjoying watching another human being suffer after he's already tried to make amends.
And it's pathetic for you to try and make excuses when your excuse (That you're giving him a taste of his own medicine) has already become null and void.

So, you're just a bully. Just like the bullies you sent were going to send a letter to Congress about.
Perhaps you should be punished like those bullies you were talking about?

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~

ChrisH1551's picture

Heh.

Maybe I should be punished? Naw man, the shit he said has no comparison to what I've been doing. You haven't been around to see that, so you have no idea what is even going on here. You're just the new bitch that everyone likes because she sticks up for people and singles others out. I got news for you, that don't fly with me. I am enjoying this, but it is productive in some way. At least in my fucked up little head. ^m^

PS, the number one rule here is ; Don't feed the troll.

everynothing's picture

Actually, I've read since

Actually, I've read since Day One, as my friend Jami would link me every YamaChris thread, saying that she sided with Yama.

And, he apologized. And seems to genuinely mean it. You are obviously an immature, pig-headed child.

Do I look like I give a shit if that "flies" with you? O:
If so, I'm sorry I misled you.

It isn't productive.
And your head isn't fucked up, it's like every other bullies'- Full of insideous little thoughts that you "deserve" to do this, that he'll "get over it", that even if it hurts he will "bounce back."

And then someone kills themselves.

You're such a massive hypocritethat it's both hilarious and pathetic.

I remember that conversation Jami copypasta'd to me...
Where you were glad those bullied kids shot their abusers?
Seems your beliefs have changed.
Because there is no excuse for bullying others.
Not a single one.

P.S. No one here is a troll. There's you, a scum-bag bully harrassing someone who's apologized to you, and me, someone who doesn't enjoy people spitting at people who are trying to make amends.

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~

kamkam's picture

ugh

everynothing please don't get dragged into Chris's stupid little game

may the crests of light,love,hope,courage,and kindness shine brightly on a new day.

everynothing's picture

Ahhh

I figure, no one else will play his game, so he thinks he's winning.
I have a feeling he needs someone to show him "Hey, shut the feck up, not everyone is gonna sit here and let you bother Yamamato after he apologized".

I babysit toddlers like him often, I have the patience ;P

~The Sweet Escape is Always Laced with the Familiar Taste of Poison~