A PATHETIC JOURNAL

625539's picture

I am sick of repression, especially where sexuality is concerned.

I first went through a phase where I associated my desire for love with desire for sex, and as of such, used sex to attempt to get what I wanted, which was love. My sexuality was then forced, because without it I had nothing.

Then I went through a phase where the simple idea of physical intimacy made me uneasy, nauseous even. People approaching me in that manner disgusted me. I wanted to hide from them, to protect myself. Repression of the body to protect the soul.

And now I am comfortable with sex, seeing as I am with someone I love (in fact, sex without love is impossible for me). And as I am attracted to him physically, I want to have sex. Specifically, rather sado-masochistic sex.

However... he is demisexual, I suppose you could say, and isn't all that interested.

Which wouldn't be a bad thing, except I think I really do need that physicality to feel loved. Which makes me feel pathetic, really, because it's so superficial and unimportant in the long run.

So I repress, again and again.

SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED TEEN ALERT, yo!

Comments

jeff's picture

Hm...

Did you have to leave early? I missed the pathetic part.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

elph's picture

The idea of sex without love is...

...an anathema to me as well! However... I feel mutual affection might better describe the circumstances...

But... I'm having more than just a bit of difficulty in appreciating how sadomasochism enhances the path to a mind-blowing conclusion.

A curious mind requires an education... verbal, please... not tactile... at least not yet :)

625539's picture

I'm not really into any of

I'm not really into any of the hardcore stuff, first off... Basically anything that involves weapons/leather/drawing blood is a no. Anything else... Most likely. I'm especially into being tied up.

The positions that it puts a person in is my main motivation - you are either in complete trust of the other, or vice-versa.