Damn, I'm out of it. I have an assignment that's due in English, but I think that more sleep would be more beneficial for me right now, than one late assignment.
I'm so ready for this weekend.
Why? I dunno. Because there's no school. But then after this week I have another full week of shit, then a 3 and a half day week of shit, then another full week of shit, then a 4 and a half day week of shit, then a single half day Monday (?) And then we're done.
So wait, that's tomorrow, Friday, then 4 more weeks of varying lengths.
Plus a single half day Monday, which for some reason they decided to do for one last, 3 hour shafting after we've had a great weekend. I have no clue why school is ending on A MONDAY.
But I just want to be in summer, because right now I'm just very tired of school, and having no problems at all, nothing to do, sounds pretty good.
I mean, after a few days, I'll need to figure something out, and do something interesting.
But goddamn, seriously man, I don't know what to do right now.
I'm just very sick of modern society and it's massive pieces of boring shit and crap all over the place.
Just the thought of growing old, and working in a job every day, the same place, for the rest of my life, seriously makes my stomach churn.
I'm not sure I could handle that.
But I guess I can't escape it forever. After college I'm planning to, at least for a year or two. Go on a trip, see the country, the world, explore things, I hope.
But then I'll have to resign myself to it, and stay at it for years, build a family maybe.
But I won't, I refuse to grow old and decrepit and boring in our world of straight lines and black-and-white marks and conservatism. At an age that I'm still able, maybe 50, maybe a little younger, maybe a little older, but about then, if I play it right, I could still be a fit man at 50, and then I could quit my job, and go on another big trip, see a few more things, and then die somewhere in the mountains or somewhere, a place where I'm really happy.
I'll write another journal about this or something.
But I get so depressed when I see how I imagine working in a court or in politics or something, all day, at a desk or somewhere else, filling out and reviewing pages and pages and pages of stuff that really is meaningless.
Human beings aren't meant for that, we never were.
And then I just get this feeling that I'm claustrophobic or something, like the world is pressing down on me, and then I just can't wait until after college.
But, I'm being stupid, and I know it. Slow down, your time will come, you will not remain here forever, things can change. But until then, wait, enjoy your time here, because modern society does have its benefits, even if it's not nearly as good as what I'm hoping I can have in the future.
Because what I really don't want is routine. The thought of getting up every day at the same time, going to the same place, doing the same things there every day, getting pre determined breaks and such, it's like I've already lived my life, because every day I can look forward and know exactly what's going to happen.
I want choices, every day, like I'd like to hike down the Tonto trail in the Grand Canyon, and every day I can get up and be like "I think I'm going to go snoop around those slot canyons a while, or look at that arch" and see where that leads me, I won't know exactly what I'll be doing with that day, I'll just figure it out as I go along.
Goddamn, I'm sorry this is so depressing, I should be happy, I have a great life, and I promise I'll post something interesting and short tomorrow, but I just had to get it out there, so good night mah buddies :P