If the universe had a face, I would punch it.

Super Duck's picture

Today was the day. Things were agonizingly slow until chemistry class today, as if to purposely torture me. In chemistry, I checked out Old Crush's fantastic body one final time. It didn't make chemistry class any more bearable as it usually does, though. I really just felt nothing. She wrote "good Bye" (Yes, just like that) on the board as she left. I remembered being obsessed with her all those years ago.

Fun fact: When I was like 12 and obsessed with Old Crush, I thought I'd be terribly obsessed with her forever and always thought her last day of high school would be the most depressing thing in the universe for me, even though she was in like 8th grade at the time.

I just kind of zoned out at lunch. Girl Best Friend kept saying I did, anyway. I don't really remember anything. All I felt was anxiety. I barely ate.

I did everything I could to prolong the walk to French class. I went by Mrs. History Teacher's room and picked up some homework she had been too lazy to print off in the morning. I took baby steps. I stopped at my locker. But I couldn't dawdle forever, so I eventually had to make my way into the room. I put my stuff at my desk, but I did not sit. Instead, I waited for FCG to walk in. She did a few seconds later and started excitedly telling us that she got a better job for the summer. IG was not there, so I was able to do the following:

Me: FCG...
FCG: Yes?
Me: It's your last day of school, isn't it?
FCG: Yeah, it is.
Me: You have no idea how much I'm gonna miss you. ((hug))
FCG: Aww... ((hugs back))

We watched some movie in class. I don't know. I didn't pay attention to it, though I appreciated the lights being off so no one could see me. I was much more interested in FCG. I watched the way the light from the window shone on FCG's hair and how it illuminated the soft blonde curls. I watched as she playfully poked and slapped British Girl, who was falling asleep. FCG was all I could see, and right then, she was the most beautiful girl in the whole damn universe. She was trying to get this other girl to touch her hair, and the girl wasn't too terribly interested, though she obliged anyway. Whenever she stopped, FCG would look at her with the same sad puppy kinda face she used to look at me with back when I'd refuse to touch her hair.

I felt like crying then, but the tears wouldn't come. I felt like that off and on all day, but fortunately for me, the tears wouldn't come, not even as I was driving home with my sister. They finally did come as I sat down to type this, though. I can barely even see the screen right now. I'm trying not to make much noise because I don't want my mom in here.

My newspaper teacher was a total bitch today and didn't let me go home. Yep, even though we weren't even doing a damned thing today. Wednesdays are our free days, meaning we sit on our asses and DO NOTHING in her classroom.

Me: Can I please go home?
Teacher: Why?
Me: I don't feel very good right now, and it's the end of a Wednesday anyway.
Teacher: What do you plan to do at home?
Me: Umm, sleep? Study history? ...Cry? Some combination of the three?
British Girl: Come on, she has a HUGE history test Friday! And so do I. I think we should all go home.
Teacher: Why should I feel sorry for you? NO!

So when she left the room, I just got up and left too. Lots of people with cars do that on Wednesdays. She never actually does anything, just gets mad the next day. British Girl had tried a few minutes before me but was caught. It was like, the last 15 minutes of school anyway. I knew I'd have to pass by the annoying office lady to go home, so I instead found some of my friends and talked to them for a while. They temporarily made me feel better.

I stopped to get my chemistry books on my way out, and as I was leaving, FCG walked out of the bathroom! I don't know what she was doing at school so late; the seniors get out an hour earlier than everyone else. She smiled and waved excitedly at me like nothing was happening. I waved back and tried my best to smile too.

It just kills me that tomorrow I have to go back to school and continue on with all my bullshit classes like there was never a FCG. I won't even have anything to look forward to there anymore... She's not going to randomly smile at me in the halls. I'm not going to get to touch her hair during class. I'm not going to get to sort-of hold her hand again, or anything. There will be no one to entertain us in French class. There will be no anti-Queen Whorebag rants. There will be no super obvious closet remarks. Of course I can still talk to her, so these things won't be lost forever, but this whole thing still just sucks ass.

... I love you, FCG.

Comments

Dracofangxxx's picture

This made me cry :(

I'm so sorry, Super Duck... <3 *Hug*
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Amazingly offensive <3

Super Duck's picture

:( I'm sorry.

:( I'm sorry.

Dracofangxxx's picture

No, don't be sorry, it was really beautiful :)

But just sad because I know how much you loved her and stuff :(
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Amazingly offensive <3

rainbow_power's picture

Sad face :(

Today is a sad day for you. I hope things get better for you soon and you don't have to stay sad for ages. I guess everything happens for a reason. Even if it is super rubbish right now.

Super Duck's picture

Thanks, I hope so too...

Thanks, I hope so too...

loreonpravus's picture

Sorry, kiddo. Saying goodbye

Sorry, kiddo. Saying goodbye is always hard. Here's hoping you find a nice comfy place in your life now.

Super Duck's picture

Yeah... :(

Yeah... :(

Ambition15's picture

*Hugs*

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they attack you, then you win." -M. Gandhi

Super Duck's picture

Thanks

Thanks

Splash's picture

*more hugs*



~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Super Duck's picture

Thanks..

Thanks..

Riku's picture

:[

*even more hugs*

Hang in there Super Duck.

Super Duck's picture

Thanks... I'm trying.

Thanks... I'm trying.

MacAvity's picture

Don't let her go like this.

Don't let her go like this. Really. Be bold, risk everything, there's a high chance it will pay off. You don't want to let her disappear.

If you do nothing, maybe you'll see her a few times, maybe you'll have a few conversations, maybe you'll meet and have a bit of hair-touching time for old times' sake. Nothing more.

If you tell her how you feel about her, she'll probably kiss you right there and then - she's totally into you, judging from what I've read. But if she's not into you, which is highly unlikely, either the result will be the same as if you did nothing, or she'll disappear completely and you'll never see her again, but at least you'll know.

Are those few uncertain meetings really worth giving up your big chance to be with her the way you (both) want?

If they are, then that's your choice and I'll just second everybody's hugs. But I still think you have a strong chance if you're just brave enough, which I know you can be.

Riku's picture

MacAcvity speaks the truth.

^

Super Duck's picture

I'm not in any shape to make

I'm not in any shape to make a rational decision tonight, so I'm not sure what I want to do. If I do tell her, I don't think it would be immediately. Honestly, right now I'm just hoping I don't lose contact with her altogether out of sheer lameness on my part, like the last girl.

radiosilence95's picture

Awww Super Duck!!! *Special

Awww Super Duck!!! *Special hug time* (>^.^)>

Be persistent! Even if it seems like you're being borderline stalker-ish, keep in contact with her! She's obviously someone incredible and special to you. Facebook, texting...hell, give her a phone call. I can't emphasize this enough!

As far as spilling your guts and telling her how you feel about her, I feel that I'm in no position to tell you what you should do, because I don't know FCG or you personally so it would be hard for me to predict the outcome. Only you know what's right, and when it's the correct time to tell her, if that time ever comes. You'll make the right choice, no matter how long it takes.

My apologies for the super long comment.

Super Duck's picture

I am extremely determined to

I am extremely determined to stay in contact with her. I can't be all lame like I was with the last girl.

Yeah, I'm definitely waiting to make a decision on that one.

rythmn_n_rhyme_grrl's picture

MacAvity pretty much said

MacAvity pretty much said everything I was going to (thanks :) ) but I just want to tell you not to give up. From everything you've said of her it sounds to me like you've really got a chance, and even if you wait a few days to talk with her again, don't let yourself put it off. I know it can be really intimidating, but just think of all the good things that could happen from you telling her how you feel! ::hugs::

Super Duck's picture

Thanks... I don't even know

Thanks... I don't even know if I'm going to tell her or not but I'm still scared

lamb_da's picture

Looks like everyone beat me

Looks like everyone beat me to the punch.

*huggle*
you need to tell her superduck. Seriously. But obviously not right this minute. You're so wonderful for giving her that hug. And amazingly adorable.

I'm not sure what to say, since everybody else said it.

*more huggles*

You're so beautiful, you made me forget my pick up line. ;)

Super Duck's picture

Thanks. I hope I do tell her

Thanks. I hope I do tell her at some point, but I'm really scared to so I don't know if I will or not

icameherealone's picture

Shit , teared up

Macavity said it..

Super Duck's picture

I'm sorry :( I still don't

I'm sorry :(

I still don't know what I'm gonna do...