Im in love with my straight boss

confused and in love's picture

So here is my story and I need all the advice I can get.
I work with the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. Yes I am in love with him. The only catch is that he is my boss, he is straight, and married with children. I am very close with him and his family and could never do anything to hurt any of them but being in love with him is making my life miserable. I cant eat or sleep and all I do is think about him all the time. I find myself doing the most insanse things around him as well. I am always going above and beyond when it comes to him. Work related or personal I drop everything to do anything he needs me to. I massage his shoulders and I call him honey sometimes and sometimes he calls me honey. I find some of the silliest reasons to go visit him in his office either to just shoot the moon or fiddle around with or update his phone. I find myself doing this more and more. Its starting to become a problem and I dont know what to do. I have read many advice blogs and columns all pretty much saying keep it professional. thats what my mind says but my heart is completely in the other direction. I sometimes think he enjoys the little advances that I do but how do I go about approaching him or should I approach him about this? Please help. We are both in our 30's and I need some help please. Thanks in advance. Confused and in love....

oldfoxbob's picture


First off welcome to Oasis, now to your problem.
You mostly answered your own question , since you said what your mind says and what you heart wants. Anyway you look at it you are flirting with disaster! If you go with your heart and he rebukes you, your going to be devastated, angry and upset and may loose your employment there.
On the other hand if he excepts your advances and the two of you start a relationship, it could lead to his getting divorced, loose the love of his children, and family. Not to say at lease he could loose his job over the whole thing if HIS boss finds out.
The third option is that you follow your heart and he excepts you and you have an affair together and his wife never finds out. Now what? Do you want to marry (shack up with) him? Or just have sex and an office fling all the time? Or do you want the two of you to ride off in the sunset together and find a new life in the yellow flowered fields of love? Fat chance of that happening huh?
Now lets get real shall we? There are some other options you have open to you.
One: carry on like you are, being a friend, a family friend and Uncle/Aunty to his kids. Yet being, unhappy and never moving beyond wishing for better things.
Two: You can quit you job, move out of town or the area and find new employment and never see him again. Now you are unhappy again, have not destroyed a marriage or a family. The fact that he is married makes this very hard on everyone involved here.
Third: Break off the possibility of love with him and go to the local hangouts/bars/watering holes/church socials, and find your own special friend, date, lover, mate.
Now...What to do? THAT only YOU can say! We here can advise this or that, and you will run it up a flag pole ,and see if it waves or not. Then you will do what YOU want anyway.
My suggestion to you is to seek professional counciling from your pastor/priest/therapist. The whole problem lies with you, and your reaction or needs here. Get some professional advise, and take it.
That said, again welcome to Oasis where gay/bi/Les/and trans gendered help each other out with questions and problems as well as just chat and make friends. and a whole lot more.

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.