I have had what should be, by all measures, a great day.
But I don't feel that great. I'm not even sure why.
ANYWAY, I was thinking about how strange it is to be gay.
It's just weird. Because, like, ya know, about 5% of people are gay.
And whenever I hear numbers like that, if you lined up 20 people, statistically one of them would be gay.
Which seems like both a little, and a lot. A lot, because it's just like wow, I can't say I know any gay people. Well, I probably do, but at least openly gay people.
So is the out rate just really low then? Who knows.
But it also seems like a little, because one person in 20 is not very many. And in any regular line, I would be that person. So usually, when I hear about something like dust mites that live in your eyelashes that 10% of people have, I usually assume, it's only 10%, it's likely not me, it's someone else.
But we are all "someone else" to someone else. And, to everyone else, I am that "someone else".
Which is a weird position to be in.
And I've also wondered, where does it come from?
Because, I've heard things about it being genetic or something, but I don't know why that would work. Because, first of all, obviously having the genetic quality to be gay drastically reduces the reproduction rate of those who have it, so natural selection would ensure it irradicated, because many gays don't reproduce.
Also, where would it come from? There's no need for a gay gene.
All it does is lower reproduction, which is bad.
As of yet I've never heard an explanation for the reasons why people are gay, that has satisfied me.
It seems like in most cases, you're either gay, or you're not. For a lot of people, it is a more fluid thing, but for another lot of people, it's just black and white.
Which would seem more like a genetic thing than an environmental, but for what reasons I've already said I don't think it is genetic.
But if it was environmental, I think we'd see a hell of a lot more bisexuality than we already have, like VERY few people could be classified as "straight" or "gay". Most of them would be varying degrees of bisexual.
Because, frankly, it's an indication that something is not working right.
When most guys see a hot girl, they get turned on in ways that prepare them for sex that will beget children and further the race.
Not so for me. I will never have "useful sex", in evolutionary terms.
So then why would I be gay? I've never picked anything here, it's just something that's different in me.
But many other things between me and other boys are the same.
It's not like a mental illness, which is a chemical imbalance that can be detected, fixed with pills, and is most of the time temporary or cycles.
But gayness is a lifelong thing, that cannot be "fixed", that isn't temporary, and that usually doesn't have any symptoms other than the single obvious one.
So, it's not the same as a hereditary mental illness, so what is it?
Because, in me at least, evolution has failed. I will never have children to further the race, and so I will be a hereditary dead end.
Of course, in modern times, that is actually more of a good thing. If everyone had 20 something kids like the Duggar family and just said "God will provide for them", we'd all die in our own feces.
So having another percent of the population that doesn't reproduce is a good thing.
And so, likely, I will live a fairly good life, full of my unproductive sex, even if my pool of potential dates is by default reduced from damn near half down to about 2% of people, or 2 in every hundred, or in other words, not many. And that's just the guys I could date, not even cutting down the ones I wouldn't want to.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
Because boys are so much hotter, right? :P