Lightbulbs Make Better Lovers

Super Duck's picture

So my mom's boyfriend/not-boyfriend/whatever is here. No idea how long he's staying. My mom made me go out to eat with her and all her friends tonight before he got here so she wouldn't have to go alone. Dude, he just played this video for my mom, and a girl was talking on it, and she sounded EXACTLY like me, but it wasn't me. It was freakyyy.

I started studying for the AP exam today. Well, not really. By "started studying," I mean opened a textbook, read one page, and then watched the following video:

There are so many videos like that. Mrs. History Teacher isn't cool enough to allow us to do one of those. I think I'll just watch AP European History videos instead of actually studying anything. I mean, I'm already fucked, and next week is going to be awful, so why even bother?

I snapped at my substitute history teacher Friday because he was a total dickhead. He didn't say anything to me, just kind of stared. He said he was gonna throw stuff at us if we irritated him. Uhh, I'm a damn PERSON, not some asshole's motherfucking target practice. Fuck him in the face. I snapped at him when he got mad at this girl for saying the work Mrs. History Teacher left for us was too hard.

I woke up with a slightly scratchy throat this morning. It has mostly gone away now, though. Still annoying. Then I ate an awesome cheesecake with caramel and chocolate on it.

On facebook, FCG is talking again about how she's going to be super lonely this summer. Three days left with her. I am terrified. I remember when I thought it was terrible that she had like 20 left. I don't even know what I'll say to her when it's time for goodbyes. Oh god I hope I don't get my tears all over her. (Wow, that sounded a lot less emo in my head.) I'm freaking out. I really am.

In other news, I am more than likely going to end the year with a D (and if not, then a C-) in Chemistry, and I'm honestly okay with that. We had a test I probably failed on Friday, and after the senior half of our class leaves next Wednesday, we probably won't do much. Again, I'm okay with the D. I try, but I just fail every test I take. I can't fucking STAND the subject, and I can't learn from my teacher. But... Picking my classes next year presents a dilemma.

Advanced Chemistry comes after Chemistry at my school. How in the hell am I going to take Advanced Chemistry with the same idiot teacher (The mere sight of that woman makes me want to cry with rage.) if I can barely even pass regular Chemistry? I refuse to take this class. But I can't get out of honors because 11th grade regular is Chemistry. So, I am left with one option... I take the "dumb science" with people I haven't had to see since 8th grade. These people used to irritate the hell out of me. But next year is already gonna suck ass anyway, so what's one more annoying class?


radiosilence95's picture

Wow. Who knew rap could

Wow. Who knew rap could actually be educational? My mind is buzzing with all of the knowledge I obtained by watching that video! :P

Substitute teachers suck. Well, most do. Some are super cool. What exactly did you say to Mr. Dickhead when you snapped on him?

It wouldn't be a bad thing if you really do end up crying when FCG leaves. Besides, if she sees you cry she'll be all "Awwww, Super Duck!" And she'll smother you will hugs and affection and maybe perhaps kisses.

Super Duck's picture

Haha, I actually was

Haha, I actually was surprised at the amount of stuff I remembered on there. But that guy at the end was hard to understand! Luckily, the stuff he rapped about was the stuff I wrote a paper on, so I know it.

It was kind of like this:

Girl: How can Mrs. History Teacher expect us to do a test we haven't studied the material for?

He actually made more noise than anyone else in the room. He cracked Mrs. History Teacher's computer password and went on her internet and loudly commented on everything he saw on Yahoo News, then started listening to music. But if you breathed too loudly, he'd threaten to throw shit at you. Oh, and he's Mr. Troll's best friend, which explains A LOT...

I'm not as worried about her seeing me cry as I am about IG and all my other friends seeing me cry and asking me what I'm crying over... But I'm still worried about her seeing too. I am so gross when I cry.

loreonpravus's picture

MY AP (psych) EXAM IS



You know what? Just go for FCG. Worst case scenario you never see her again anyway so there isn't awkwardness. Actually, you do want her around so, um... hang on, I'll get back to you on that.

Super Duck's picture

Good luck! Yeah, I do need

Good luck!

Yeah, I do need FCG around still. :'( She makes me so happy.

Splash's picture

But seriously...

You have nothing to lose! If she flips out on you, well, you cry for a while and take her hard-won number out of your phone, but you don't have to face her in French class every day for another year.

Okay, that sounded a lot worse than it was meant to. Sorry. :-/

But my point is — if she likes you back, it'll be that much easier for you two to plan to keep seeing each other once you've enlightened each other to your mutual feelings. If she doesn't, then if seeing her makes her sad you won't have to if you don't want to.

My disclaimer to this — or perhaps it's also a story that may inspire you — is that I quite recently spent about a month trying to talk myself out of liking a certain girl, and also telling myself that there was no way she'd ever like me back, before finally awkwardly admitting to it. Long story short, that person is now my girlfriend. :-) Thus, that colors my viewpoint considerably.

TELL HER. You have so much to potentially gain from it!!

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Super Duck's picture

But I'm afraid to risk

But I'm afraid to risk losing her as my friend. I can't even imagine never seeing or talking to her again... :(

loreonpravus's picture

Bleh, tough love time. I

Bleh, tough love time. I hate doing this.

Ask yourself... realistically, do you see yourself marrying/spending the rest of your life with her? 'Cause if not, you might as well get started on chasing another girl (who isn't a total closet case =P).

Because you like her so much, you might be misattributing her actions and words, reading a little more into them than most people would, and you might be getting a few wonky signals. I'm not trying to be an overly harsh jerk here, but y'know, just take that into account.

People drift and fall apart and sometimes people who used to be the best of friends will separate and never speak to each other again. That's just the way the world works.

You can a) tell her how you really feel and possibly lose her/have her admit she is also madly in love with you, etc. or b) just say goodbye like friends and stay friends and maybe see each other here and there. The stakes are pretty high for taking the high risk, though. Choice is yours.

Now (and this is me talking, not the wannabe-psychoanalyst me) if it were me I'd probably just obsess over it for the next few days and wait to see how it plays out. You'd be surprised how you act under emotional pressure; I've had my fair share of random unplanned outbursts, confessions, items being thrown...

Good luck.

Super Duck's picture

Well, I am 16 years old. I

Well, I am 16 years old. I have no way of knowing anything like that.

I don't know how/if I am misattributing her actions and words. I thought she was gay a long, long time before I liked her, and I can't see why she (or really any girl) would like me at all, so I can't really imagine her being secretly in love with me or anything.

I know people fall apart. That has happened to about 85% of the friendships I've ever had, and I am so sick of it. If it happens, I don't ever want it to be my fault again...

I don't know what I want to do. I don't know if I'll know on Wednesday, either.

Riku's picture

When it comes to knowing what to do...

I have this thing I do where I plan out my actions down to every likely perceived scenario...

And then I always end up doing something completely different.

Never fails.

But it'll be okay. You'll do fine. Even if you make mistakes, of if things don't go as well as they could have, it'll be okay. I understand the fear and the anxiety but you're stronger and more courageous than you think you are (as well as more attractive I'm sure.)

Super Duck's picture

I hope so...

I hope so...

lonewolf678's picture

Would you be surprised...

...if I said I was in that video?

jk lol

Super Duck's picture

Haha! Maybe a little

Haha! Maybe a little surprised, yes. It would be a little weird to think about anyone on here being in youtube videos I found just all randomly...

ferrets's picture


the second i finished wacthing that, i sent it to my history teacher XD she loves rap

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

Super Duck's picture

Haha, nice! Sadly, I don't

Haha, nice! Sadly, I don't think my history teacher would approve...