Advice?

joemondragon's picture

Hey guys, I know it's been forever since I've been on here. If it seems like I only ever come back when I have a problem, that's because I do. It's kind of a complicated situation, so just bear with me.

I realized that I was attracted to my best friend about 5 years ago, and not much has changed since. I came out to him last summer, a month before we left for university, and he was totally cool. We talked for hours, and in the course of talking, I told him how I felt (which isn’t something I really meant to do). He was fine with that too, and I can’t remember ever being more relieved in my life.

Skip forward a little. Over the course of our freshman year of college, we would see each other about three times a semester, since our schools are just close enough to make the trip. Because colleges aren’t hotels, we only had our own beds to sleep in, so we just shared a bed, and it wasn’t really a big deal. But one night this spring, when I rolled over, our lips brushed, and he kissed me. Avoiding details, we wound up having sex. The next day, we had a very serious talk about it, and he said that it had been mostly about experimenting for him; he admitted that he had been questioning his sexuality over the year, but that after the night before, he was sure that he was straight. I was crushed.

The problem is, now I feel more deeply for him than ever before. I want to get over him, and just be friends, but I’m afraid that the only way to really get over him is to shut him out completely. They say that time is the best way to get over people, but that assumes a break-up, in which case you can totally shut someone out for some time. So I’m in a tough situation, since I don’t want to throw away the best friendship I’ve ever had, but I also am facing a depressing love life if I do stay around him. Do you have any advice or can you see any other way out of this? I’m really conflicted about it.

Just Dave's picture

Well...

It kinda seems like you should explain the situation to him. It's completely reasonable for you to want a little separation to get over this.

You could just spend less time with him, and if he asks why, tell him. It's completely reasonable for you to want some separation. It's unreasonable for him to think that sleeping with you, when he knows you like him, would not affect you.

bi-baby-bri's picture

If you love him, let him go...

Separation from the guy is the best option. It may hurt. No, it WILL hurt. Just talk to him and tell him "you're my best friend, and you know that, but after what happened I feel we need some time apart. I'm hurt at the fact that even after what happened, you still don't feel the same way for me as I do about you. I just need some time apart to make this easier to deal with." or something along those lines

pansyfugufish's picture

:(

I had a huge crush On a boy and we had a great friendship but there was chemistry and it went nowhere because he only likes girls, but that turned out ok, bc someone else came along. Six billion ppl on this planet. You got lots of someone elses to pick from, try not to focus on the one someone you can't pick.

oldfoxbob's picture

Ah love

A very fickle lady/man they can be. I feel for you, Your going through pain and passion and love and hate and all the other emotions at the same time for your friend. IT was cruel of him to use you as an experiment, it would have been much better if he had tried it out on some one not so close to him. However that is not the case here. Then it was not planed according to you as you accidentally brushed lips then made mad passionate love to each other. So in a sense you are some what to blame also here for that happening. You could have turned over and done nothing. As could have he. However that did not happen so what to do with what happened and where you two are now.
There are of course several things one could do in this situation, those mentioned above and those still to come. The best I can offer is to talk things out. Tell him how you feel, about what happened, be truthful, he will understand I am sure since he is your best friend. Tell him your hurt, angry, upset, feeling vulnerable, and lost all at the same time. Tell him that you don't want to loose him as a friend, but would rather have him as a lover but know that won't happen. That he must understand that you now want him more than ever before, and yet understand that just cant happen. Tell him you don't know what to do and need his help in making the right moves so as to not loose each others friendship that you two have build over the years. IT will be hard on both of you, just remember try NOT to get angry and yell, but talk things out. Find a mutual ground to stand on to continue your relationship as friends. Be his friend as his is yours, so that it may last a life time. Good luck my friend, and you don't have to come here just when you have problems, your knowledge can help others here some time too you know.

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.