Do You Remember Endymion?

elph's picture

He's not posted on Oasis for nearly a year... and when he did post, they were almost always as Forum topics or comments to the journals of others.

Here is his introductory Forum post on Oasis:

http://www.oasisjournals.com/2009/03/sharing-my-story

As you can readily discern, Endymion is a most capable and ambitious student --- primarily specializing in languages (many!). For the past year (after graduating Beijing) he has been a scholarship student of Greek in Athens. This summer he's being honored with a scholarship for international studies in Oslo (returning to Athens for the fall). Parenthetically, he also has an interest in Old Norse, but that is not this summer's focus.

Endymion has today written the following... granting me permission to repost it here in hope that his friends --- both old and new --- may make their own insightful comments:

"I am confused about what real friends for gays are about. Damn, I am writing from the credentialing center of Athens Special Olympics. Don't have work at the moment... don't have much work most of the time actually.

You see. From all those gay movies and interviews about gay people, i have the impression that true friends of gays are gays also. I still remember a line from the notoriously famous "Queer as Folk": there are only two kinds of straight people,those who hate you in the face and those who hate you in the back. I don't believe in so much hate. But now I am really doubting that it has some sense of it's own. At least really good friends would not come out of them. You'll be wondering why i suddenly have such wierd thoughts. It's like this, my friends (at least I think of them as friends), on Pride day, they were supposed to go with me to the parade. But they didn't because they have something to do in the university. and later after the parade, there was the artistic part--performances, they came to dance and have a good time. When i talked to them about the parade ( coz it was great), and they told me that they were not interested in the parade,just for the dancing party they came. That hurt a little. And another friend of mine, she was with me, and I was walking in the parade, she didn't want to,but in the end she was in also. But after the parade, she was not so happy about it....

This is fucked up. I know a lot of people would come in and get out of your life. But I really would like some reliable and stable ones at this point. Maybe i am looking in the wrong direction? Maybe I should just trying to find friends in "people of my own kind"??

What do you think of this problem?"

Comments

jeff's picture

Honestly...

I'm with them. The parade is always the boring part. It's not festive, and at almost any point, if you swapped out the spectators on the sidewalk with the people in the parade, it would look the same. I'm glad there are gay bus drivers in San Francisco, but I don't need to see them waving at me from a cable car.

I always sleep in (because Pink Saturday is more interesting than Pride Sunday in San Francisco anyway, and I probably don't get to bed until 3 a.m., and then sometimes not to sleep until 4 or 5, heh), and then head right to the festival. I haven't watched the parade in more than 10 years. There are some highlights, the youth contingent, PFLAG, etc., but since our parade runs something like 6 hours, it isn't worth it. Too much filler.

Pride is supposed to be about celebrating, so everyone has their own way. There are gay joggers about to have a massive run together when I'm barely asleep. There's the anti-male dyke march the day before. There are VIP parties, and circuit parties, and beer busts, and film festivals.

So, I don't know that the issue is whether the friends are gay or straight. There is just no one way to attend or celebrate pride. So, not wanting to see the parade only shows your friends don't like parades.

Pride is always a balance, between politics and partying, sobriety and very-non-sobriety, spirituality and sexuality, and everyone can control that balance to their own tastes.

However, when a lesbian gets onstage (it's always a lesbian, I'm not sure why, but it is), and starts saying "We are doctors, we are lawyers, we are..." you have a good 10-15 minutes where you can go have fun, while she rattles off every occupation she and her vegan potluck wrote down the previous week. That speech needs to be put out of its misery.

jeff's picture

Also...

Why isn't he posting this here?!

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

elph's picture

Actually...

I haven't a clue :(

He has the URL for this entry... it might just provoke him to respond!

Anyway, I'm sure he'll appreciate reading your earlier post.

Just Dave's picture

Eh...

To drastically oversimplify things:

You should probably have some hobbies in common with your old friends. When you are around these friends, you should do the things that everyone enjoys doing (dance parties).

Then, if you want to do something new that your old friends don't enjoy (pride parades), you can find some new people to hang around. But that doesn't mean you have to leave your old friends.

How does that stupid song go? "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold." Cheesy but applicable.

625539's picture

There's something that

There's something that really, really annoys me about a lot of the queer community, and that's the constant expression that they're being persecuted or hated. It really, really bothers me, actually.

I cannot stand gay pride parades, gay rights events at school, ect. You keep claiming you're the same yet you want your own little special treatment? I just live my own life, I dress however the hell I want to, I hold hands with my boyfriend no matter where I am and aside from the occasional stare or "faggot" from a moving car, not shit has happened to me. That's because I refuse to be a victim, which is a choice, unlike sexuality (and because I live in a very liberal city). Another choice? Not whining because people weren't lucky enough to have the culture/intelligence/education to be tolerant of differences. That's as much as a choice as your sexuality. I wish people would understand that - you can't choose your upbringing, your environment or your personality.

Endymion here appears to be suffering from this hypocrisy - his friends just weren't interested in the parade, and neither am I, does that make me homophobic? No, it's because I just don't give a shit about parades or gay rights "activism".

(Sorry for ranting)

Uncertain's picture

Um...

I think the problem is when you define yourself strongly with being gay and construct your identity and find meaning around it.

I wouldn't be so fussed if my friend didn't go to a gay parade with me, because I wouldn't want to go anyway. Similarly, if my friend was into something I wasn't into, they'd be in a similar situation Endymion has described. It goes both ways.

I'm friends with my 'straight' friends not because they're straight, likewise I don't expect my friends to be friends with me just because I'm gay either - therefore the test of our friendship isn't whether they would do 'gay' things with me... like going to a gay parade.