Hell in a Handbasket

rythmn_n_rhyme_grrl's picture

Finals are this week, starting Tuesday and I am freaking out. I have so much to study for and only one day left, really. My English teacher threw this big group speech on us at the last minute, and my group has to give it during our lunch break because she messed up the scheduling.

And on top of that, my dog got sick. He has an auto-immune disease and the platelets in his blood are being destroyed. His mouth started bleeding on Friday, and now he's in the vet hospital, and they're asking if we want to stop treatment. He had a big internal bleed on Saturday night, and his heartrate was really high. The biggest problem though is that his platlet numbers are really low, so his blood isn't clotting and his red blood cell count is dropping a little too, since he probably has another small internal bleed. He's only 8 and what's most disturbing is that he was completely fine before Friday. It's all happening too fast. I don't really know how to feel. I don't want him to be uncomfortable or in pain, but I don't want him to die. I think my family decided to give him another transfusion to help counteract the bleeding and give the medication time to work to boost his platelet levels. They need to be around 30,000 or 40,000 and right now they're at 12,000 which is too low to help really, even though they've risen since he was first admitted.

My whole family is getting really emotional about it though, even my dad, who rarely shows saddness and he was kind of crying this afternoon. My mum and sister, of course are crying alot. And I'm just sitting there not even all that torn up on the outside. I'd miss him if he doesn't make it, but I don't know if I'd actually cry. My throat closed all up but didn't shed a tear. What disturbs me is that I have as much a connection with him as I do with any of the rest of my family, and a majority of my friends, and the fact that I can't express emotion over him being so sick, and I don't even know if I quite feel it worries me.

On a more optimistic note though, I finally saw part of Brokeback Mountain. I'd been putting it off, because it's become such a cliche and I wasn't going to go out of my way to rent it, but it was on TV and I figured I would watch it. And omigoshyouguys it's so good. I haven't finished watching it yet, it's sitting on my DVR, but I am so digging the scenes of the mountains and all the lazy guitar music. It's beautiful.

And I only have 4 days of school left! Yes! And then I have to pack quick to leave for my art study program in Baltimore at MICA on June 24. I'm so exicted.

Comments

whateversexual_llama's picture

hey, don't blame yourself

hey, don't blame yourself for feeling emotions differently. I rarely cry when i'm supposed to, when I'm really upset I usually run or sleep instead of crying. you'll worry about your dog in your way, and love and support him, and if it comes to it, mourn for him. i'm really sorry that you're going through all that though- it's so rough to lose or almost lose a dog.

good luck on finals! <3

radiosilence95's picture

Only give up when treatment

Only give up when treatment becomes too painful for him and is doing him more harm than good. I'm sorry about your dog. I couldn't stand it if my dog had to go through that. Don't give up hope! :)

And good luck with finals.