I feel so alone

transman13's picture

I feel as if every girl I ever am attracted to is never going to want to date me because I am transgender. My first girlfriend broke up with me because I came out to her as transgender. My second girlfriend did the same thing. The one girl I was dating but not in a relationship with who happens to be my best friend that I'm head over heels for also told me she couldn't date me because of my gender identity. I feel like nobody will ever want to date me because of my gender identity. I feel so alone...like I will never find love. I wish I never knew how to love a person as more than a friend. That way it wouldn't hurt so much to be constantly rejected for being myself. Nobody will love me for me. I don't think I can date anyone for quite a long time...until I have finished my transition. Especially since I'm still a little on the fence of whether I am transgender or neither gender. I don't know who I am and I feel like I will never be loved for who I am because I am so masculine. I am not girly enough for any gay or bi girl to love me and I don't have the right body parts for any straight girl to love me. I really wish I was incapable of loving another human being in the romantic sense because I am never loved in return. I don't know how to handle this pain and I know I am slipping really quickly back into the deep depression I used to have. I just feel so alone...none of my friends can relate to this...the only one that can I can't talk about it with her because she is my best friend who I just told I am head over heels for her and she turned me down sugar coating it as best as she could. Which she knows I can't stand because then it makes me feel like they don't respect me enough to tell me how they really feel. I am not a child all I want in life is the truth and someone to love me for me. If I can't have someone to love me for me then I want to not be able to love anyone else. Life without love isn't really a life worth living in my opinion...Which is why I keep praying that the one for me that will love me for me is out there somewhere.

Comments

kamkam's picture

hey

if your first two girlfriends weren't ok with you being trans then probably they weren't worth having anyway and I'm pretty sure that who the right person is when you meet

may the crests of light,love,hope,courage,and kindness shine brightly on a new day.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Is there a timing issue at play here? You mention both of these being "girlfriends" who rejected you, which to me implies you were dating these people for a while. For a lot of people, this seems like it would be a pretty huge deal to bring up once the relationship is there and feelings have developed. Of course, not sure it should be your opening line, either. So, could be tricky to navigate, but you may need to move this up a bit. That said, I don't get the new generational dating, in the sense that there isn't any actual dating. People are single.... and then they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, with no intermediate step. I once knew someone on here who said they had four ex's and never had sex, which is a statement that could never have been made for anyone in my peer group, heh.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

Riku's picture

For the record I don't

For the record I don't understand that either.

The few times I have dated someone (keep in mind that I've never even been on a second date. This was when I just had the first date scheduled), my friends would always go "Why aren't you calling them your boyfriend/girlfriend yet?" "Why aren't they listed on your facebook as in a relationship with you yet?"

And I'm always like "it's just a date... I hardly know them. We're not 'in a relationship', we're going on a date."

But anyway, I'm with Jeff on this, disclosure is important. If you wait too long to say something people feel betrayed or untrusted. But if you say something too soon, that could be bad as well. I'm sure there are articles on the internet about disclosure, but I don't know where in particular. It's nothing a quick google search couldn't handle though.

I know many trans people in healthy relationships, there are plenty of people (straight women included.) who will date trans men. It may take patience to find someone right for you but, the same could be said for everyone else. That doesn't mean that there's nobody out there.

swimmerguy's picture

Uhhh

For the record, I have four ex's and have never had sex.
Mostly because all 4 ex's were me with a girl trying to figure myself out, but just wondering who you're talking about... :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt5ghXdq6Z0&safe_search=on

jeff's picture

Wasn't talking about you...

This person was gay and had dated four guys, and never had sex. I mean, you were gay and dating girls, so yeah, no surprise.

That said, the question remains whether these should be ex's or girls you dated a few times, but the modes these days seem to be single or in a committed relationship, with no stops in between.
---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

transman13's picture

Both of my girlfriends new

Both of my girlfriends new before we even started dating. We had been good friends for quite a few years before I started dating either of them. So both knew when we had started dating that I identify as transgender.

~Jay

Riku's picture

Okay so I might be prying or being generally obnoxious.

But why would they break up with you for being trans if they knew you were trans before they dated you?

Something tells me that there was something else at work there.

jeff's picture

That sounds...

like they broke up with you for reasons other than being trans then, no?

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

transman13's picture

Both knew before we were in

Both knew before we were in a relationship that they could look past me being trans. And then always about 6 months into our actual relationship they say sorry I just can't be with someone who wants to be a guy. Not those exact words each girl had said something different but along the same lines as that. That was the reason I have given. There may be other reasons but I was never told them. They both said they broke up with me because I am transgender.

~Jay

FauxDolly's picture

I only want to be upfront

I only want to be upfront about this. If I sound pushy preachy or rude, i do apologize.

I am a very openminded individual and although i can be judgmental i accept people for who they choose to be.

One thing I have come to realize about" love" is that you can not spend all your time looking for it or that someone to make you feel wonderful. In the end it is very disappointing.

You have to come to terms with yourself and love who you are before you can love someone else or even allow them to really love you.

We grow up thinking that our lives start when we find that special someone and that our soul mate is out there somewhere waiting for us and tht we just have to find him or her.

Believe me that is not how it works. We get into relationships and become consumed with tht person. they make me feel good, beautiful, hot, attractive and what not. I feel safe with them. they accept me. you do all you can to keep this person. they become the priority and you become the option.

you have to experience life and become who you want to be and then accept the person you are and love tht person unconditionally before you can allow someone else apart of you. giving your heart to every person who has seemed to care will leave you heart broken.

and yes it sux majorrrrr... one thing i had to tell myself and still tell myself is that i am lovable and i am capable of love. you are lovable and you are capable of love. lavish yourself with self love.

the only reason you feel no one will love you for you is because you dont love you for you. you have to remeber that who you are is amazing. you are a wonderful person. no not everyone is going to feel that way. it still takes me sometime to realize people actually like me. as odd as tht sounds its true.

everyday i have to wake up with myself. sometimes i dont like me. but this is who i am. this is who i choose to be. no im not perfect and i dont want to be. but i can learn something everyday about myslef. love myself more and more and grow to become all i need and want to be.

stop looking for that other person to accept you for you and love who you r. be awesome and enjoy the thingd you really want to and when the time comes that person will show up. as long as you go looking for them it wont. life is now. live it

Faux Dolly

transman13's picture

That was some really really

That was some really really good advice. Thank you for that. I honestly really needed to hear quite a bit of it.

~Jay

FauxDolly's picture

Hey Jay! Anytime! Msg me

Hey Jay!
Anytime! Msg me sometime!

;-) barbie