It is decision time. I have two options.
Live a lie my entire life to make my mother and grandmother happy, and keep everything in their perfect christian worlds perfect.
I could be myself and live without fear, without lying every 10 seconds and without hating myself, but also without a family.
I think to myself I would be happier without a family but is it true? even if your family isn't the nicest isn't the most supportive or even doesn't like you, they are still your family and you will forever love them. so to live without them seems unbearable. but i am NOT going to pretend to be something I am not just because they see the world in black and white, and i see the whole color spectrum (rainbows (haha gay joke)).
Though a part of me is terrified. I'm terrified that I will continue lying until i start believing my own lies and I get lost in the imaginary me that i had created to begin with. It's scary to think how I could possibly be so out of control. Or so incredible happy.
And it scares me to death how it all could change with just a few words
"I Am Gay"