Her Confusion

mandy-god's picture

So I woke up to a text this morning from my girlfriend of 4 months. She was telling me for the first time that she has always felt like she should have been a boy. That she would be more comfortable as one and everything.

Let's get something straight (or rather, anything but), I have absolutely nothing against people who are transsexual or transgendered. In fact I think that those people are very brave and I have a great respect for them. But I have to admit that having my own girlfriend admit something to me that sounds like she is coming out as transsexual is a little more than surprising. I would love her no matter what she identifies herself as but still: surprising to say the least.

But when I asked her if she has ever considered herself to be transsexual it turns out that she had never even heard of that before.

So I guess I'm asking for help from anybody out there: any ideas? She's just as confused as I am, I suppose we just need some ideas or speculations.


jeff's picture


She would be coming out as transgender. I think transsexual is now the offensive term.

If she is a trans guy, and you're cool with it, then game on. There seem to be no hard and fast rules anymore as far as what you have to do physically, like "top surgery." The bigger issue as far as your relationship is whether you want to be with a trans guy who identifies as a guy, who starts taking testosterone, deepens his voice, and all this stuff, as opposed to dating a butch lesbian.

There are certainly amazing transguys on here (riku, whateversexual_llama) so reading their journals may provide insight.

"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield

mandy-god's picture

No matter what she chooses,

No matter what she chooses, being a butch lesbian or being a trans guy, I would love her. She's one of the most important people in my life; if that's who she is and that will make her happy then I have absolutely no objections or uncomfortable feelings.

And thank you so much for telling me about the whole transsexual vs transgender business, I'm so sorry to anybody I may have offended by my poor choice of terms D:

MacAvity's picture


It's not so much that 'transsexual' is offensive, it's just more specific - 'Transgender' describes anyone whose sex and gender don't match; transsexuals are specifically those who want/need to change their bodies ('transition medically'). At least, that's what I've gathered....

mandy-god's picture

Ohh okay, thank you so much

Ohh okay, thank you so much for clearing that up; in that case she would be transgender. Thank you so much!

ShadowDelta's picture

I'm not sure if any of this helps now...

...But I've done some research on this particular topic. The term transgender best describes someone who does not fit into the standard patterns of their biological sex while the term transsexual best describes someone who has a strong, persistent feeling that they are living in the wrong sex. Basically, this is just a more specfic way of saying what MacAvity said, but I wanted to share it with you nonetheless.

Love is love, no matter who it is that you love. That is something I deeply believe even though I have yet to love someone else that way.