long post is... not really that long, actually

thoughtgoddess's picture

This was going to be a post about how Gabe Saporta and his stupud face and stupid band make me really happy and I don't know how I feel about that, followed by some commentary on forced religion in weddings and how far one should comprimise, but instead it turned into a post about making use of your mobile phone and how awesome my mother is. Idk.

I occasionally forget that some people don't keep their mobiles with them 24/7. It's a problem, I'm working on it. Which is to say, if the girl with whom i've been having "lesbian coffee" lately would text me back to say if she's up for hanging out tonight, it would be almost as awesome as if my cousin would text me back to say if she's still interested in buying my sofa and if so, when she'd like to come look at it.*
But it's cool, I don't have a life or anything, I can wait for shit to be convenient for other people.**

And Jack Layton died. That was a shitty way for Monday to start.

*I've already spent an entire day waiting for her and eventually texted to ask if she was coming. No. ...did you ever plan on letting me know?
**No, ok, I actually don't have anything else to do tonight, and I'll forgive her flakiness because we have a fucktone of things in common and I'd like this to actually go somewhere.

Ok, I'm done bitching. Do you know why? Because I need to take a minute to tell you guys about just how awesome my mum is. Cool? Cool.
My mum grew up conservative, and managed to remain so even after marrying my (at the time) super-liberal dad. Eventually his views shifted right as well. That being said, one thing niether of my parents were was religious at all. (this is relevant, I've got a friend who came out to her left-wing religious parents and she got a signifacantly worse response than I did coming out to my right-wing non-religious parents). Anyway. When I came out, my dad's response was basically 'whatever makes you happy'. I found out later that he'd known since I was thirteen, and had just been waiting on me to bring it up. My mum was the one who said things like 'are you just saying you're bisexual because it's cool?' and when I convinced her that I didn't want to go to the lgbtq youth group in my city to meet someone I'd met on the internet, she wouldn't go with my dad and I in the car when he went to drop me off the first time.

So that was five years ago. A year and a half later, she was designing posters for the GSA that I was starting at my high school, and donating free printing through her business to the youth group that my friends and I were starting and to the university's new queer studies institute. She came to parents night at the larger youth group (this was back before the political bs that got some of us blacklisted, kicked out or kicked out by association, and our organization accused of stealing youth --ahahahahaha why are people so fucking crazy?--). Sorry. Anyway. As my circle of friends grew to include more and more queer people from diverse backgrounds, she started commenting how she liked my friends now better than she'd liked my friends in high school. She was never homophobic, but I don't think she'd known many queer people aside from the brother of my dad's best friend, who had moved to the city where my parents lived when they first got maried because of epic homophobia from his family. And suddenly her life was full of queer people --working for her, renting from her, starting businesses with the help of my dad, teaching in the university, and eventually serving as minister at my dad's funeral).

So, cut to a month ago. We were driving back from my aunt's, and I was talking about how I'd actually got shit accomplished that day.

Me: "And I started writing an essay on gender identity so that we'd actually have content on the website, but it got way too personal way too fast."

Her: "Hmm. Can I read it? What is your gender identity?"

So then I went into the whole thing about how I feel like mentally I'm more of a boy, but not a particularly masculine one, and how I like wearing dresses and such but I'm not particularly feminine and how androgynous had been working pretty well for a few years but it didn't quite fit because I mostly felt like a female-bodied-boy in a dress and I was pretty cool with that. And I think I also touched on how ableism had effected my gender identification, because most people see a blind person and treat me as they see according, so once I've gotten past fighting the ableism battles, sexism never really comes into play.

Her response? "Well, you come by part of that naturally, i've always liked looking feminine but never felt much like a woman, I'd much rather be doing things with the guys, much rather be using a saw and hammer than sewing or cooking or that shit. And you grew up in a house where your dad liked to cook and clean, so gender roles were never really enforced anyway."

Ahahaha so many parents would start freaking out if their daughter said "I'm mostly a boy." My mum? "Eh, makes sense."

And then a few weeks later we were clothes shopping, and I went in to try some things on and she came in a few minutes later saying "Here, try this too." "this" being a men's shirt. :D

And then yesterday we were driving the last leg of a road trip with my mum's friend and her daughter who is also my friend/ Sort of non-biological cousins or what have you. My mum and her friend were up front, assuming that we were asleep or listening to our iPods in the back seat. They started talking about gay people (my mum's friend actually said "I'm not homophobic, but...". Pfft. And my mum, who a few years ago thought that Pride was embarrassing and unnecissary, and who didn't know much about queer... anything, was right in there quite firmly saying ""There needs to be Pride or the issues just become invisible," and "No, you may not care if someone's gay, but a lot of people do. There's still a lot of homophobia everywhere." :DDD You guuuuuys.

In conclusion: My mother is awesome because she makes the efort to educate herself and acknowledge different viewpoints, etc. And not enough people do that.

Unrelatedly! I have somewhere to live in Lancaster when I get there, fuck yes.