Some thoughts.

Super Duck's picture

Completely and utterly swamped with tests this week. Don't even care. I will probably only really try to study for English because I don't want Mrs. English Teacher, who is awesome, to think I am a dumbass.

Also, in that public speaking class, the teacher assigned us a random partner and we have to ask that person about themselves, and then we have to tell the class about them in a speech. I was kind of hoping I'd either get a friend or a cute girl, but I got some senior guy I don't even know... Like, I'm not even sure which guy he is. Ugh, it's going to be so awkward. Of course, my friends all got each other. I hate those stupid assignments where you have to tell about yourself. Always have. What the fuck am I supposed to say? "Hi, I'm Super Duck. My favorite color is purple, I like kittens, and my entire life consists of wasting time on the internet, drawing, and hating all of my surroundings!"?

So, yeah, everything school-wise is pretty much shit again! That didn't take long.

10th grade sucked ass so badly, but at least all my friends were easily accessible. 11th grade sucks ass, AND it's nearly impossible to see anyone outside my main 5. I was so sad today because I thought about British Girl and Helpful Junior... Uh, Helpful Senior now, sorry. Anyway, yeah, I thought about them and was sad because I haven't seen either of them since the first day of school since I don't take French anymore with British Girl, and neither of them work on newspaper stuff when I do.

I saw both of them today, actually, though! Haha. British Girl asked me if we could use my car in the school's Homecoming parade, and I reluctantly said yes, but then I realized my car is not really the school's shade of blue... So I guess I better try to find her again tomorrow and clear that up. And then I saw Helpful Senior! She was busy so I wasn't gonna bother her, and I thought she wasn't gonna speak to me, but she did.

My mom called my dad to come over here just so she could yell at him. Wow. You know, my mom's newest boyfriend is coming to visit tomorow. She is always so ANNOYING with her boyfriends. She is already convinced she is going to marry this dude, and they haven't even met face-to-face.

In other news, remember how IG used to be super annoying in 10th grade by constantly stealing FCG's attention, which would make me rage? And how they were both, like, all over each other from day one, and were practically groping each other every day for 2 entire school years? And how whenever I would try to talk alone with FCG, IG would not understand and ruin it? Well, I learned something interesting today. Not sure if it makes me feel better or worse about the new situation.

We were in 4th period, and IG started talking about passing some class or something. I wasn't really listening until this:

IG: Now, I love FCG to death, but if she could do it, anyone can, so we shouldn't be worried!
Me: FCG? :( I miss her...
IG: Me too.
Me: Have you talked to her lately? I talked to her maybe a week or two ago, but not since she moved.
IG: No. I haven't bothered to since early June.

The good news is that FCG will finally probably like me better than IG since I haven't ignored her. But IG and FCG not talking to each other is, like, a total corruption of everything I've known since 9th grade! That is just not right at all! I mean, they are like, peanut butter and jelly! Cookies and milk! FREAKAZOIDS AND RAINBOWS!

I was kind of counting on IG having talked to her recently, though... I have no idea what FCG's schedule is like now. I am scared that she will be annoyed if I try to talk to her at a bad time. I'm also still not sure when she'll have a phone again. I think tomorrow, or maybe Wednesday. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try tomorrow. I am having a very hard time waiting, after all, and tomorrow is Tuesday, which is better than stupid Monday. But I am nervous. I know I'll be less nervous once I do it, and I know that it must be done, but damn. She tells me she loves me and she has never ignored me or seemed annoyed or anything, but I don't want to be annoying to her... Ever since she left last week, I have been dying to talk to her, and I have this weird, gross, pins-and-needles kinda feeling all the time.

It's kind of like when you have to throw up, and you know you'll feel better if you throw up, but you don't want to throw up because, I mean, who enjoys throwing up? Okay, bad analogy, because I don't enjoy throwing up but I do enjoy talking to FCG once I put away the anxiety, but it still makes a lot of sense in my head.

It'll be around 3 months before I even get a chance to see her again... I'll be 17 by then, and maybe I will have adjusted and gotten rid of a good bit of this anxiety. Well, if I want to see her, then I'll have to have done that. Maybe I'll lose some weight between now and then. Maybe 10 pounds or so. Hmm. It would be nice to be attractive if I see her.

I know I talk about this a lot, but it's really bothering me, and I absolutely adore her and am beyond terrified of failing the way I failed awfully at keeping in touch with that last girl. (But what happened was also kind of that last girl's fault since she ignored me 70% of the time I tried to talk to her...)

Wait, what is this? Oh, my god, a picture of FCG in a swimsuit. Oh, damn, okay. Wowww. I often feel a little bad whenever I have a risqué thought about her, but... Her legs. Wow. Hahaha, sorry, you guys didn't need to know that. I'm just kind of typing whatever comes to my mind.

I'm gonna go study English, or maybe take a shower or something... Yeahhh.