What Now?

mandy-god's picture

So this is an update about my problem in "Her Confusion".

My girlfriend is now considering actually getting a sex change, she isn't just wondering about the whole transgender thing. Last night she was even discussing names with me.

I have no problem with transgendered people, there's nothing wrong with that in my eyes, but hearing it from my girlfriend is just gnawing at me. I'll always love her, she's the most amazing person I've ever met, but the fact of the matter is that I'm gay. I've had a relationship with a boy before and it didn't feel right. I loved him and I'll admit that the sex felt good but none of it felt right like it does with a girl. I don't know if I'll still be attracted to her if she gets the operation.

I want to be there for her. She seems like she would be a lot happier as a boy but I also know that if I were to tell her these feelings she would drop all consideration of having a sex change. But this isn't about me, it's about her, her life and her happiness. At the same time though it's a huge problem in my mind and it seems wrong not to mention it to her.

Please, can someone offer me some advice?


jeff's picture


It can't be a choice as to whether he gets to be happy or you get to be happy.

If you're not sure, tell him your concerns. Just be honest with him throughout the whole thing, and that's really all you can do. If you do end up breaking with him, then that is something that is part of his journey and yours.

If you signed up to date a woman, and she becomes a guy... honesty is really the only truthful thing you can offer him throughout this process.

If you're certain it won't work out, better not to stay with him out of some obligation or anything. Let him transition into the next part of his life, and you go on to the next part of yours...

"Why be given a body if you have to keep it locked up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?" - Katherine Mansfield

mandy-god's picture

You're right, I know I

You're right, I know I really should talk to her about this but I guess in my mind I've just convinced myself it won't happen for a few more years, which is true, and I don't need to worry until then... It's just taht right now she's so seriosu about it and it's almost as though she's rushing into the whole situation.

Thank you for replying

Dracofangxxx's picture

Just will point this out afore you get yelled at:

I know you know your girlfriend as a "she" and have for a long time, but it's polite to call him by his proper pronouns especially since he's so late in his decision making. Just saying before people think you're rude :)
That's redick!

mandy-god's picture

Right, I should point out

Right, I should point out that she specifically requested that I think of her as a girl until the actualy operation, just so everybody on here knows. Otherwise I would certainly use he instead of she and so on.

Thanks for your concern :)

whateversexual_llama's picture

hullo, darling. I think both

hullo, darling.
I think both you and your personfriend are in lacking a little bit of information. Transition is a long, slow process, not just "the operation". Most of the time, you can't get bottom surgery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phalloplasty)
until after top surgery (removal of breasts/chest masculinization). And most surgeons don't do top surgery unless the patient is on testosterone ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormone_replacement_therapy_(female-to-male) )
And most therapists won't prescribe T unless the patient is really serious about all of the rest of transition.

Now, this means a couple of things. 1. you have a long time before you start worrying about still being turned on "after the operation." 2. you have a long time to get used to this. Transition is a process. It's going to be a process for your personfriend, it's going to be a process for everyone she knows. You'll all be learning together.

I recently came out as trans to my girlfriend (and, y'know, the rest of the entire world). It was really hard for her. She identified as gay, all gay, all the time, no boys ever. But she loves me. The love is still there, whether I have a cunt or a cock, whether l'm binding my chest or not. And (i'm pretty sure) she thinks of me as mostly male.

Stick with it. If the love is there, the rest will come.

mandy-god's picture

Thank you so much for all

Thank you so much for all your information and kind words, they really mean a lot! I hope that I can be as supportive as your girlfriend must be, becaause the love is there and I want it to stay there :)