I didn't think going to college would make me feel more in the closet. when I was at home I never felt like I was hiding because i kept my life so separate. Friends were separate from teammates and separate from school, and if you weren't my friends then it never really came up whether I was gay or not.
But here those boundaries seem impossible. Right now I don't feel like I'm hiding, but as soon as the dates for the lgbt meetings come and go I feel like I will feel that way. (Feel.Feel.)
I would usually just be out, but my trouble is with my sports team. I'm this freshmen who doesn't even seem to click with my other teammates, and I don't want to be the gay kid on top of that. And I don't think they would even care usually, but they don't seem to like me that much, so I don't know if I come out that might just be the kiss of death.
There just feels like no one I can talk to about this who can give me good answers. There is a gay group for the athletes, but... I don't know. I've just always had my best friend from home to talk to but he's not here now, and no-one here knows I'm gay.
It's weird. There has never been more happy or felt more like the other students. But I've also never felt so alone.