I Hope I Don't Die D:

ChrisH1551's picture

So, let's recap the last 12 hours.
1) Got home
2) Cut myself
3) Misjudged the sharpness of the knife
4) Bled. More than usual.
5) Freaked out and tried to stop the bleeding
6) Find out I may have cut a vein
7) Get the bleeding to stop
no more numbers, that takes a while.
- Put a bandaid on it
- Go to sleep scared to death
- Wake up and check it
- No bleeding, still alive
- Red spot around it, and itchy near it?
- Go to Newark
- Come home
- Freak out because I may have a blood clot or infection
- Type this
- Freak out more.
- Thinks about telling mom, but I must lie.
- Comes up with lie
- Thinks "I went to shut my locker, but I moved my arm up as I went to shut it and it cut deep and hurt like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Yeah.

If I don't die

I'm so done cutting -_-

I'll jack my sister's anti depressants.

Because I don't think you can take them while preggers.

Comments

lonewolf678's picture

Hmm,

"If I don't die
I'm so done cutting"

I wonder why it always takes a near-death experience to get someone to stop cutting. For you I recommend going to hospital, I don't give a shit whatever you need to tell your parent(s), get that shit taken care of. You could die of infection, or maybe some kind of septic shock. Get help.

radiosilence95's picture

Agreeing with Lonewolf.

It shouldn't take you a near-death experience to make you realize that cutting is a complete waste of time. Any form of self-harm is senseless, and there are infinitely many ways to deal with whatever it is that's driving you to injure yourself.

swimmerguy's picture

Yeah...

At least you can't mess up and die with weed... :P
Not that I'm suggesting that it's a good idea :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt5ghXdq6Z0&safe_search=on

Dracofangxxx's picture

Hmm, I feel your pain. Happened to me a lot.

Okay, it sounds like an infection to me. Itchy sounds like it. Rub alchohol, neosporin, any disinfectant you have on it and if it swells up or gets a green/yellow scab, poke it with a needle and drain the pus, which might be mixed with blood. Keep cleaning it and keep it covered. It'll heal up soon. Infections aren't too bad if you know how to take care of them. If it worsens, do tell someone, but for now if you're too afraid, you can follow these steps (they always helped me).
-
That's redick!

ChrisH1551's picture

i wiped it down with an

i wiped it down with an alcohol pad and put a new antibacterial bandaid on it, after school I'll get some Peroxide or something to put on it ._.
~~~~~
~I don't need no fakes around me, all I want is you to be with me...here I am...~

lonewolf678's picture

Be sure never to cut again.

There's more to life than letting your sadness control you.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Heh,

Cutting isn't always about sadness. For me, it was about anger. Mom called me some sort of name like useless or she'd scream at me, and I'd be so angry that I had to hurt something.

Some do it for guilt, disappointment, jealously, blarg. Whatever emotions. It's just emotions in general ;) Cutting isn't always (forgive the pun) so clear-cut in terms of what it's caused by, or even what people need to do to fix it.

It's kind of like drugs. It can be like a habit or an addiction, you feel this so you do this. Like chewing your nails or twisting your hair or nibbling on things. The steps to controlling cutting don't require you to control just your emotions, it requires you to be able to substitute a bad habit for a good one. Try not going on the computer when you're bored. Or worse, try doing something on the computer without opening another thing. It becomes such a habit, because you get used to the rhythm of things. THAT'S what I find hard to kick.

Even though I'm generally in control of my emotions now and know what to do, if I get too angry, I still do things like bending forks or hitting parts of myself on hard things. It's just habit. I'm not saying you're wrong, it's not good, but it's not dependent on just uncontrolled emotions, either. It's mostly a battle of self discipline.
-
That's redick!

ChrisH1551's picture

Exactly, I'm normally not a

Exactly, I'm normally not a really sad person, it was, like you said, anger at mothers xD Well, and the constant bullying at school, but that was more of getting me started cutting, seeing as how the bullying level went down tremendously in High School (I started in 8th grade :3)

It was an addiction, really. Whenever I'd get slightly enraged, I'd feel like doing it. The longest I've went without doing it recently has been about 4 days, so I think this may be rough trying to stop, but worth it. I don't want to die xD

I talked to my mother, who's a nurse, and said my locker scraped me, and asked her if it was a clot, she said probably not, but it just might be infected. :3 So yay for no death x_X
~~~~~
~I don't need no fakes around me, all I want is you to be with me...here I am...~

lonewolf678's picture

Just getting this out of the way,

sorry I was inconsiderate. I know cutting is a coping mechanism used for many situations, I shouldn't have been so assuming.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Nah, it's fine :P

I wasn't offended or mad, I just wanted to clear up some misconceptions you might have had :P
-
That's redick!

Dracofangxxx's picture

Good, keep doing that.

Also, if it decides to split open, that can be a good thing- the infection might be within the healing folds of your flesh, and it's good to get the antibacterial stuff in there. Just keep it super super super clean and disinfect regularily (but not like every four minutes or anything, just like three times a day). Also ice might be good.

Hope it helps.
-
That's redick!

jeff's picture

Wow...

Who would think that cutting yourself could potentially go wrong?! It's normally so measured and reasonable. ;-)

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)