things with my boyfriend are going well, relatively. he's sick of me smoking all the time and of constantly feeling insecure and for my part i wish he'd have a more mature outlook on some situations, especially matters concerning his family. but you take the good with the bad. he's modelling in a hair show this weekend and i'll be going. we have a complex relationship but he's forever my best friend no matter what.
ii. health and body
i haven't been very sober in september, sometimes for weeks at a time. over the summer i've gone from smoking a pack of cigarettes a week to two or three. the reason i smoke is because i'm bored and it makes me feel okay sometimes. everything seems better when i have a cigarette. also someone made a joke because i'm so scrawny, she said that the only muscle i had on my body was enough to roll a joint. i thought it was funny.
school is going okay. i was on honor roll last semester and i want to be again. i'm having trouble focusing though and getting everything done properly but i'm doing ok so far.i'm doing a series of nudes for my darkroom class and i want to take pictures of naked girls in a cemetary.
i've been really insecure lately about the way i look because my skin is drying out since i'm mistreating my body and also a lot of people have been telling me i'm getting too thin and that i should eat/ect., which is not a problem at all because i eat healthy amounts of food. i'm sort of at a really good point in my exterior life - two jobs, full school schedule, things going relatively well in my personal life and everything is sort of all "given" to me and i get away with a lot but it's hard for me to deal with stress and ect.
i know this journal was awkward but i'm ill at ease with expressing myself in such a straightforward way.