questions...

hellonwheels's picture

So tonight, after a long day of riding and hanging out w/ some old hometown friends from high school (homophobes), I got home to a facebook status from my 'friend' of late...in a relationship...

I guess I should back up....we hooked up over memorial day weekend this year after months of IM's and flirting via facebook...then after that....nothing. a bit of contact here and there, but nothing really.

fast forward the last two weeks.

I finally kissed a guy. Like passionate making out. and then, a little more. But it was awkward as hell. still. We both like each other, and know our feelings, but he has a ton of issues he needs to work out...addictions, drinking, etc...

he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship...I told him neither was I...but....

When I got home today, his status was updated to in a relationship...

So my question is this....how many times do you have to hook up with someone to be official? I always thought it was more than a few...definitely over three...but....apparently not for him....idk.

All I know is, I cannot afford to be out right now. finally just one of the guys, accepted by C and Jared and crew, but still feels weird, especially knowing my friends in my small town's views of gays. IDK...

I guess I am just nervous as hell being gay. It scares me to death. the thought of living an openly gay lifestyle haunts me. I have made a ton of progress in the last year, and few months...sure...but, it still feels wrong.

IDK...

Thoughts?

Comments

jeff's picture

Well...

The amount of times you have sex has nothing to do with whether you are in a relationship. If technically, you think your next sex is him, and he thinks his next sex is you, and neither of you is looking elsewhere, you're in a relationship of sorts. That said, you can also sleep with someone once and think you're in a relationship.

You aren't being accepted by people if the basis of their acceptance is you lying about who you are to them. They are accepting your lie, not your truth.

You have to stop caring what other people think, and just live for yourself.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

Sex: It's not simple!

I'm much more sanguine on the mutual embracing... the kissing... a longing look into each other's eyes...

But when it comes to sex (a euphemism for an anticipated orgasm? Yours? His?)... it can become quite complex.

I guess what I'm trying to get at: it's at its best when it's stripped of all elements of selfishness.

If the mental focus of each is on the "other": each fervently desiring to be the one whose paramount desire (your impending orgasm being a distant secondary... but still a much-anticipated objective) is to totally satisfy (emotionally, physically, libidinally) your partner... and then, after your individual excursions into euphoria have subsided... you lie together in an embrace that neither wishes to break... this suggests the beginnings of a promising relationship.

But... if you just shake hands, say "thank you... see you next week, if you're free"... It's nothing but a selfish substitute for a probable masturbation hang-up!

Don't misread me: I'm not denigrating masturbation: it is a God-send that serves phenomenally well (solitary or mutual)... even after you're so lucky as to find yourself in a genuine relationship!