why do i have to be so envious of other people. Or look into so much somebody else's life. I keep feeling like a stranger in my group. I am embarrassed that i am the only male and the females just keep coming in. I feel jealous of other groups but then feel bad and vain as i just dismiss my friends. I don't fancy anybody who actually looks gay and so everybody i do see is complicated, unavailable and i will give them a glance and thats it. Nothing more or less. I may be young but my impatience is killing me. All i want is to feel. Thats all just to embrace for once. But the way things are looking now its miserable. Im home alone and its a saturday night and all i want to do is cry. I cant contact anybody about it as they just wont get it and i don't even have good enough friends to do so. I look a photos everyday of youth and friendship and bitterly want there life's but then that makes me feel worst as i am just criticising my good friends. I feel so confused at it. I cant even fucking go to the local gay group in town as i am too scared of meeting new people and what they will think of me even though i know it will be better for me.