First it's almost 4.30 and I haven't slept yet. I've been getting terrible sleep lately. I might have insomnia I don't know. I'm just so stressed these days.
I'm on a student overdraft and today I lost my wallet, which means replacing all my cards which will cost about two hundred dollars. And I lost it probably because I was starving so much I can't even use an appropriate metaphor to explain it to the point that I'm almost about to hallucinate and left it at uni. This pretty much means my next week's allowance is gone, which comes in today, hence the starvation. I am so mad, and so frustrated.
Fuck this shit. All this discipline with money and now I'm just going to get into more arbitrary debt. I literally had 12 pieces of sushi, a cup of milk, a coffee, and in desperation a dr pepper with 70 cent remaining on my card for the entire day. Then fuck, I lose my wallet. It also means I lose my access card which is a huge fucking inconvenience. My routine is all fucked over with this insomnia and budgetary problems. I tried calling my mother tonight hoping she could send me some money, but no answer. She's been wanting to send me money for weeks but I kept refusing. She feels like she can't help any other way, but for some reason I didn't let her. I didn't want our relationship to be so financial, so contractual, so cynical.
But money is no panacea to the stress I'm having. Essay due on Friday. I need to stop gyming, it's taking up too much time. People need to stop fucking bugging me with essay advice, go write your own fucking essays. I'm willing to help only if you help yourselves. And I have five exams two of which are year long law papers, worth up to the seven exams in the coming month. The recommended work load is four papers per semester if you don't know, and I'm here effectively doing seven. I actually want to die. It makes me sick. And it will affect scholarships, my future employment, and personal sense of pride if I fuck up.
Screw all this shit. Oh, and the boyfriend went to America. There's like nothing going well in my life. Might as well jump off a bridge.