hazeing

Quietwarrior's picture

I feel like i lead my life through movies/books/music/magazines because my own is not worth mentioning. I seem to just look at other peoples life like a big window. I so don't want to miss my youth but i am detached at my own choice. I have great friends but they just seem to fall behind, in what i want sometimes in life. Like with a couple of my friends we just seem to complain and observe other peoples life and how its better. it sounds miserable now but its like the usual. Then with the couple of friends that i really get on with, work seems to just fill everything so i don't get much time to see them but only at school. An example is that what i want to see at the cinema seems to never be for everybody's taste and plans seem to fall through, so i end up going on my own.

The somewhat funny thing is that i actually half go so that i could meet a new guy. Obviously i don't, but i keep upbeat. But i know now that my optimism is almost burnt. How the hell do you even introduce yourself - you cant just say hi because its just totally awkward and what do you ever say next. Plus i don't like camp guys so its even harder to see if they actually are bent. I say move on with love and romance go focus on you're work, but the next day i think the same. You cant just stop it. I am always going to be a romantic as that is just who i am (as for creative reasons), even though it sometimes hurts. I just always end up pondering...

- this translates well what i think

Comments

625539's picture

How the hell do you even

How the hell do you even introduce yourself - you cant just say hi because its just totally awkward and what do you ever say next.

a. ask for a lighter/cigarette, complain about weather/ect., ask about the other, compliment something they're wearing

b. be really wasted

In all sincerity though, I feel your need as a hopeless romantic. One day it will come.

jeff's picture

Umm...

The problem is you're seeing this as adversarial. If straight, they'll think nothing of you saying hi, since straight men aren't used to being sexually objectified. If gay, it will go fine, and he'd love to be sexually objectified.

I once had a conversation with a straight co-worker as we were walking back to the office from lunch. He said you can't just walk up to stranger and expect them to not question your motives. As he said this, there was a cute Asian guy on the bench in the park, so I said, "OMG, those are such cute shoes..." and then he told me where he got them, we did the name thing, said we both worked nearby, and said see you around. Easy. Stop renaming your hesitation as their resistance.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

elph's picture

How about joining...

...an amateur theater group consisting of guys and girls your age --- at school, or outside?

The theater offers a greater density of interesting possibilities than almost any other activity :)

Quietwarrior's picture

Its Long

oh thank you much for the suggestion but well don't get me started on theatre groups. When i was 12-14 i wanted to be an actor so i was into it all, even though looking back the stuff i did was musical theatre and i was moderately good at it. Then i discovered fashion i knew i loved it so much compared to theatre as it just felt right and it was easy for me and i enjoy looking and creating things in this particular field so much then anything i had done before. So i become and still am obsessed with fashion and i looked back at the theatre people i meet and sure they were nice but some were just totally superficial. I know the fashion world can be shallow, pretentious and vain but i can put up with that. Meanwhile in theatre some of the people are just totally overambitious, suck ups and it just pissed me off. I become cynical over it and yes i enjoy watching it but i knew it was no home for me to perform.

Ironically so i am doing for the next two years for my A levels theatre studies. I choose this because of my background and for my job its is probably the best thing to choose as for a levels we all have to pick four subjects to study. You have to be creative and be able to direct things plus the "Theatre studies" implies that it is not just drama, is very much about your english and there is a lot of essays to go with it so i benefited from that as i like english. Its been a month and a week in so far and i have to say i am half enjoying it. There are two other boys in my class and while they are good, they are both over confident and its hard as all the focus goes on them since they are the only boys like me, so i sometimes feel left out in class and then i get all miserable and over think i hate this, i want to leave blahalalala. I always put effort in the subject but i just feel that i am good but not of standard that will get me far. Plus i have a habit with moulding in the background which does not help but can be due to my laziness. I can drop it after a year and still get a qualification, so i may just do that, as it is common for students to only do 3 subjects in the next year since of all the work load and your do 5 hours then (instead of 4 hours now) a week of each subject.

I was going to go to a drama group early this year but i did not go as the group is full of advanced drama people and its quite personal so i don't think i would fit in. I respect your help but i have done it before so i know what it is like. By the way i felt way better now, its just i get like this from time to time and writing has helped me which is good. The one thought i would like though is to find someone who loves fashion like me but is a boy. I know that sounds biased but a lot of girls i talk to about it only listen briefly and some say they are into it but they are but are not fully engrossed like me - they like clothes, but not fashion. So if a boy was actually interested in the subject and i could talk and discuss about vogue and other magazines on a mature level, it would be wonderful. I have my brother which i am very lucky to have, who studies menswear, but he is only interested in menswear and he can be very critical (as he wants to be a designer) of certain things and does not follow womenswear so we at times clash. I am more general in what i cover since my wanted job is not to be a designer but to work in the magazines so you have to look at all the shows and have a more extensive view. He likes design a lot, were as i like that but i like print.

Sorry this is so long but it is just due to theatre as i have a lot to say and was going to be a journal in some stage once.

elph's picture

Couldn't you combine theater and fashion?

Someone has to design costumes that are appropriate for the period... Or, are you primarily interested in modern fashion --- and does your interest lie beyond clothing?

If it's just clothing, are you interested in serving a specific age group? Both male and female?

Presumably, fashion should say something unique... do you have a message?

****

btw... This past Saturday I was in the theater audience for the live world-wide telecast of the Metropolitan Opera's production of Donizetti's Anna Bolena (Anne Boleyn of Henry VIII fame). The costumes were stunningly authentic... and must have cost a vast fortune!

Anyway... there was an extended interview at intermission with the costume designer (she sounded British), and it was quite educational to learn about how she was able to come up with authentic costumes for the court of Henry VIII.

Don't discount combining your interests. It will maximize your prospects... no? :)

Quietwarrior's picture

-

Yeah i worked for my two of my school musicals as a costume helper but there costumes were hardly exciting. Yes don't worry i love costume drama, my favourite decade has to be the 40s though - I must watch some film noir soon any suggestions? We have a good theatre where i live which i may seen if there is any work there. Saying that i forgot to say i have just started to volunteer at a vintage cafe/boutique which gives people with disabilities a chance to volunteer and work. Its a lovely small shop that has a strict 1960s deadline on its buying for clothes and they are so special garments. You can tell they have history behind them but they still are of good presentation. I work there with my good friend who loves vintage to, so we are like two kids in a candy store!

elph's picture

Film noir suggestions...

...'fraid not. I have very low tolerance for movies where there is a lot of stress... or even hint at the possibility. Way too much of that in real life...

Your new job sounds quite exciting (afternoons and weekends after school?). Who knows... it may provide you with a bit more refinement on what your future goals may become.

Wish I could be a tad more helpful...

625539's picture

Film noir suggestions : Kiss

Film noir suggestions : Kiss me deadly, Double indemnity

Then a cool neo-noir is Blue Velvet

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Orson Welles directed some great noir, but which titles they were elude me? Third man? Touch of Evil?

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)