Help me, and also, FUCK THE TV!

Super Duck's picture

Uh, last night at about 11:30, I accidentally poked my hand on a jagged hole in the screened-in porch while trying to shoo some bug away. It bled for like, a second, and then it stopped when I washed it and put hydrogen peroxide on it. Am I gonna get tetanus and die painfully? Is a porch screen even made out of metal anyway? Please help.

I know tetanus shots are good for, like, 10 years, right? I don't remember getting any shots since I was in maybe 1st grade or so (10 years ago) but I may have gotten it without remembering. I've been home alone, and my dad has been working, so I haven't been able to ask anyone. I'm freaking out, though, naturally. I always freak out. I remember this one time shortly before I turned 15 when I thought I had some sort of skin cancer because there was a pimple under one of my freckles.

Anyway, do you know what they did? DO YOU KNOW?

THEY CANCELED MY FUCKING SHOW DAMMIT. You know, the one with super mega ultra sexy Amber Heard dressed as a Playboy Bunny. The Playboy Club was bitchin', man. Why would they do that? I mean, yeah, I initially watched it because Amber is sexy, but I actually ended up getting pretty into the plot. There was suspense and drama and LESBIANS. They cancelled it right as the lesbian girl Alice finally met another lesbian! No! NBC NEEDS TO GO EAT A DICK SANDWICH.

I bought the episodes on iTunes so I can own them forever. :'( And at least I can still watch New Girl, so I'm not completely show-less. Oh, and South Park is airing new episodes again beginning this week... But neither of those have Amber Heard. She is my favorite EVER! I finally understand how other girls my age obsess over hot celebrities.

If another network does not pick it up or something, I am going to cry forever. Seriously, who would cancel THIS?

I don't CARE if the ratings weren't good, or if it was mega controversial, or if people thought it was a rip off of Mad Men. You don't cancel a body like that. That woman is a goddess, and you, NBC, are depriving a poor, pitiful, innocent, socially awkward teenage girl of her weekly dose of Amber Heard. SHAME.

Also, I thought about texting FCG... But every single freaking time I even fathom it, she loses her phone. It's like some sort of evil magic. Her Facebook status says she lost her freaking phone YET AGAIN. It needs to be duct taped to her, or surgically attached, or something like that.

And I really don't want to go to the school fair tonight, but I told my senior friends I was coming to their play... Blah. Maybe I'll just go for that, although it will be a massive clusterfuck trying to find parking.

AND I'm on my period, so these jeans make me look fat. RARRRRR.

Fuck, I am so mad. I need to study for my 130937 tests tomorrow, but I am SOOOO MAD.


oldfoxbob's picture

So sorry

Sorry that your show got canceled.
Stuff happens to us all it far as the scratch that bled, dont cleaned it, and flushed it with H2O2 and that should do the trick. Just keep an eye on it.
And why are you mad? Take a chill pill and relax some...dont let the world stress you out...its all going to come out in the wash as they say.
So some reruns on the telly of the show and all will be good. See ya.

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

Super Duck's picture

Yeah, I think it'll be fine,

Yeah, I think it'll be fine, but of course, I'm freaking out anyway. Hahaha. D:

I'm mad because it was like, 3 episodes long! :( They didn't even give it a chance!

radiosilence95's picture

I'm not a doctor, but I

I'm not a doctor, but I think you'll live. I see no tetanus in your near future :P

Really? They canceled that show? Huh. I knew it wasn't gonna last very long, but...damn. That was only three or four episodes! Jesus. Why did they cancel it?

Super Duck's picture

My mom said the same thing,

My mom said the same thing, so hopefully I will survive! :P

The ratings weren't as high as they wanted, and it was apparently somehow controversial because some religious parent group thought it was porn... I guess we can't have nice things because everything will invariably offend some self-righteous asshole out there.

jeff's picture


Scared me there. I thought they canceled a good show for a second. Phew...

"The move is no surprise and, indeed, was expected months before the show premiered. The industry had low expectations for the 1960s set drama, which attempted to replicate a retro Mad Men vibe but for a wide audience and on a network with plenty of content restrictions.

Playboy Club premiered to low ratings and then dropped for each of its three telecasts, with last night hitting only 3.4 million viewers and a 1.2 rating in the adult demo. And sharp-eyed Playboy Club viewers got a hint last night something might have been up last night when NBC didn’t air a promo for a fourth episode. Despite having relatively tame content, the show wasn’t helped by conservative group the Parents Television Council vehemently protesting the show. "

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

Super Duck's picture

Amber Heard in a Playboy

Amber Heard in a Playboy Bunny costume. There is absolutely no fathomable reason EVER to cancel this.

jeff's picture


Had I heard that Gloria Steinem opposed it, I might've watched it...

Also, I have no clue who Amber Heard is, so that is not a selling point.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

Super Duck's picture


Amber Heard is a super mega ultra stellar sexy actress. She is also a lesbian. At least, I think? I can't remember if she's gay or bi, but it's one or the other, and she's been dating a woman for several years now. She is also probably some sort of goddess.

However, I forgive you for not knowing since I'm sure you wouldn't be too interested in obsessing over hot girls. :P