Last night there was a sort of meeting for our floor - most people didn't go, but still - at which a few issues were discussed. Like cleanliness, and quiet hours, and the definition of a mob - this probably in response to the mob that was crowded outside my window at two in the morning last week, yelling 'COME JOIN THE DANCE PARTY!' (Zephyr denies that the mob was addressing us specifically, which completely fails to explain why said mob yelled 'HOLA, SENORITA!' the moment she poked her face through the window-blinds), and the fact that Avity sleeps in the girls' wing but showers in the boys' bathroom and we all need to be respectful of Avity's gender identity. Those present had surprisingly little response to this last bit of information - seemed more interested in the mob thing, really.
I've been learning how to tie a tie. I'm getting reasonably good at it - actually made a pretty good Half Windsor today (without even looking at the instructions!), and was reluctant to untie it lest I not be able to do it that well again. To some extent I think it's a little ridiculous that I hadn't known how to tie a tie before this week. But then I think that that's silly because I hadn't even owned a tie until last week. I got it for Hallowe'en, but, like my coat that I got for five dollars at the thrift store (yay!), its use will inevitably not be restricted to Hallowe'en. 'Course, there aren't many occasions where I'd want to wear a tie. 'Specially not without a vest. I need a vest. Regardless. I have a tie, and it's purple, and I like it, and I getting pretty good at tying it.
Amy's does-she-have-a-boyfriend-or-not status has been very confusing - going from 'She and James do seem to be pretty inseparable' to 'Her friend says that James is her boyfriend' to 'James is being awfully affectionate with his male friend who just got into town yesterday, and now James always has one arm around Amy and the other around said male friend.' But I guess it doesn't matter so much because I'm getting to know Amy and like her as a friend and becoming less interested in possibly kissing her. Plus I like James, too, and this other guy seems pretty okay as well.
See, now it sounds stupid, putting it in writing like that. Sounded okay in my head - I had a mild desire to snog Amy, no relationship or anything, just physical. It's true. And that desire is going away, and for some reason it sounds really stupid and impossible when I write it.
I've been thinking, for a while, that I don't want a romantic relationship with anyone at this time. There's nobody I want to date, and the very idea of dating is unattractive. I do kind of want snogging, though - see, there again it sounds stupid to me once I write it. Sounds untrue. Sounds true when I think it.... ah well. Regardless. But I've never kissed anyone, never been kissed. And I want the first time to be all or nothing - not with somebody I like but don't love. If I can't get my first kiss with somebody with whom I'm in love - and I'm not even at the edge of the possibility of falling in love any time in the near future; my heart still kind of belongs to Grey, I think, even though I don't feel like I'm in love with her anymore - then I want it to be with a complete nobody, somebody I don't care about at all - preferably someone whose name I don't even know. Unfortunately all the situations that might lead to that are wholly undesirable, or else impossibly unlikely. Alas. At some point I'm probably just going to get too old for a first kiss, and then it'll never happen. Nah, that's not going to be the way it goes. Yeah it is. I don't know.
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