So I just realised I've been a member on this site for over six years... Wow that's a long time right.
I've been thinking about how much my life has changed, and I've almost forgotten the sort of person I was. Went through so many different stages which if I had to put into words could only amount to crude simplifications. I have obeyed the authorities, become confused, rebelled, wandered in depression, soared in glory, fell in love, fell out of love... A pretty eventful life, but not such a bad one.
I've gone through stages of delusion, self doubt, and arrogance. Many will inevitably still remain. I went from a science and maths student in my younger years to a full fledged debater and now my main interest is in law. Sometimes I've aimed at perfection and didn't quite make it and sometimes I have been extremely lazy subsisting on the charity of luck.
I don't really post anymore, nothing but short ambiguous snippets. Maybe it's because the demands of my own precision and clarity have prevented me from covering issues which I realise have become increasingly complex. Sometimes when I write I am in a state of derision, which when I later come to reflect upon what I have written, I am faced with the paradox of what is truly the real me. I must have genuinely felt the conviction in my posts, but when I visit them again I am often confronted by a stranger, or I am ashamed at what I have written, or I will judge myself for being someone for which I now have evidence for my own guilt. When I visit my journals I want to do myself justice, and the process is clearly in conflict with the ends, as only ambiguity can be imbued with the equally malleable albeit false interpretations of who I am.
Things come up in my mind everyday which I would want to write down somewhere.
I have been here for ages, and I read things on here that remind me vividly of moments in my past, things I am not always proud of. But I do see people posting about going to college, which seems like only yesterday although I would soon be in my third year. I see new members who are so inquisitive, and the simple things that they enjoy and the 'dramas' of of high school which I greatly miss.
So, six years aye... Almost a third of my entire life documented on here. I guess that's something worth journaling about.