Six years, reflection

Uncertain's picture

So I just realised I've been a member on this site for over six years... Wow that's a long time right.

I've been thinking about how much my life has changed, and I've almost forgotten the sort of person I was. Went through so many different stages which if I had to put into words could only amount to crude simplifications. I have obeyed the authorities, become confused, rebelled, wandered in depression, soared in glory, fell in love, fell out of love... A pretty eventful life, but not such a bad one.

I've gone through stages of delusion, self doubt, and arrogance. Many will inevitably still remain. I went from a science and maths student in my younger years to a full fledged debater and now my main interest is in law. Sometimes I've aimed at perfection and didn't quite make it and sometimes I have been extremely lazy subsisting on the charity of luck.

I don't really post anymore, nothing but short ambiguous snippets. Maybe it's because the demands of my own precision and clarity have prevented me from covering issues which I realise have become increasingly complex. Sometimes when I write I am in a state of derision, which when I later come to reflect upon what I have written, I am faced with the paradox of what is truly the real me. I must have genuinely felt the conviction in my posts, but when I visit them again I am often confronted by a stranger, or I am ashamed at what I have written, or I will judge myself for being someone for which I now have evidence for my own guilt. When I visit my journals I want to do myself justice, and the process is clearly in conflict with the ends, as only ambiguity can be imbued with the equally malleable albeit false interpretations of who I am.

Things come up in my mind everyday which I would want to write down somewhere.

I have been here for ages, and I read things on here that remind me vividly of moments in my past, things I am not always proud of. But I do see people posting about going to college, which seems like only yesterday although I would soon be in my third year. I see new members who are so inquisitive, and the simple things that they enjoy and the 'dramas' of of high school which I greatly miss.

So, six years aye... Almost a third of my entire life documented on here. I guess that's something worth journaling about.

Comments

elph's picture

Thank you...

What a succinct description of your rapidly developing maturity: a great example of introspection.

Yes... your early self was extremely evocative... all the signs were there that you were unstoppable. (And... thankfully... there are young and now-current Oasis members displaying a similar promise: no one identical to you... but, every bit the functional equivalent of your ever-inquisitive, youthful self!)

By the time I arrived here (2+ years ago), you had already seen fit to remove some of your most early contributions. I often wonder what gems we may have lost. If only for your own edification (a reminder of who you were), I hope you have preserved copies...

A nearby (younger?) sibling... no longer mentioned :( I hope all is well...

jeff's picture

Cool...

Six years is a pretty long time... congrats, and thanks for sharing so much over the years. As well as helping others.

Ironically, I've been doing Oasis for nearly a third of my life, too, heh.

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"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)