Some Things

Super Duck's picture

Me: IG, where were you yesterday?
IG: My mom took me to visit a college. Did you know that juniors get college cut days too?
Me: Oh, I didn't know that. Where did you visit?
IG: The one where FCG goes. I had lunch with her!
Me: ...oh
IG: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing, I'm just tired. How was she?
IG: She seemed good. We only had time to eat lunch together, though, since she had to go somewhere. Blah blah blah stuff that has nothing to do with FCG blah blah blah...

So, um, for the past week or so, I had the idea that maybe if I tried not to think about FCG that much, I wouldn't miss her anymore. This obviously didn't work. (Also, apparently, none of that stuff that chick posted about FCG on Facebook last week was true, by the way.)

I wanted to ask IG if she had said anything about me, but I decided that would be awkward, so I didn't. IG was far more interested in telling me about the condition of the bathrooms, anyway. I really doubt FCG even thought of me, though. It's not like I ever talk to her anymore.

...I fucked up. I don't even know why I don't talk to her anymore. I guess it's because no one else can ever reach her, so why would I be any different, right? So I gave up. I shouldn't have done that. I love you FCG and I'm sorry I am a dumbfuck and also a terrible friend, even though I doubt you miss me all that much.

Anyway, yeah, that's the extent of interesting (or not) things in my life lately, unless you want to hear about how massively excited I am that Amber Heard is in a movie that's coming out in like 4 days. But picture spams are worth a thousand words, so you could just view my Tumblr if you want to know just how excited I am. I don't know much about the movie except that I must see it because Amber. I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS, I LOVE THAT GORGEOUS WOMAN! I even wrote a terrible poem about the cancellation of her show The Playboy Club. Here's part of it:

O Mighty Gods of the TV,
You brought me nice things like Amber Heard as a Bunny
But sadly, I invoked your white-hot wrath
And now each Monday night, I have no excuse to procrastinate on my math.

The TV gods hate me. The Playboy Club got cancelled, New Girl got delayed, and nothing good is ever on. The only thing I have left is beautiful, beautiful South Park. If anything ever happened to my dear South Park... I don't even know, man. I don't even know.

Anyway, my 8-year-old sister thinks she needs a smartphone. What the actual fuck? I didn't even get a regular phone until I was 12, and that phone was a festering piece of DOGSHIT! I got a decent-ish phone at 15, and my dad wants to buy me an Android phone for my birthday in about two weeks since our contract is up. If I can't have a fancy phone until I turn 17, what makes this brat think she gets one at 8!? She says that it's "not fair." Umm, well, 17-year-olds do generally tend to get nicer things than 8-year-olds because a 17-year-old is generally more responsible than an 8-year-old.

Who the fuck would she even text if she had a fancy phone? Dora the Explorer? Little bitch, this entire thing would be like me asking for Amber Heard for my birthday. No one is going to buy me Amber, just like no one is going to buy you an iPhone.

God, at this rate, what is this brat child going to want when it comes time for her 17th birthday? A brand-spanking-new Ferrari? Her own apartment? Canada?

Comments

SometimesY's picture

Yeah..

I didn't get a phone until I was thirteen. And even then it was really shitty. My older sister got her second phone on my birthday when I got mine, and then ran the bill up so my dad took mine away. I was so angry because that was my birthday present and I only had it for a month. Then I got another on my 15th birthday. It was just a basic shitty phone. I got a semi decent one that had a small data plan and unlimited texting when I turned 17. And then I was pissed because my 9 YEAR OLD BROTHER got the same phone. Fucking stupid. And now if I want a better phone I have to pay for it myself. It's a load of bullshit.

Super Duck's picture

My sister loses ALL her

My sister loses ALL her stuff. She just lost her DSi for about a week. She'd lose a phone on the first day, I swear. She also wants an iPad and legitimately thinks she's going to get one.

SometimesY's picture

Exactly!

My brother broke his DS and lost his DSi, not to mention everything else he's broken/lost. It's stupid.

625539's picture

"Who the fuck would she even

"Who the fuck would she even text if she had a fancy phone? Dora the Explorer? Little bitch, this entire thing would be like me asking for Amber Heard for my birthday. No one is going to buy me Amber, just like no one is going to buy you an iPhone.

God, at this rate, what is this brat child going to want when it comes time for her 17th birthday? A brand-spanking-new Ferrari? Her own apartment? Canada?"

I ACTUALLY DIED OF LAUGHTER READING THIS

although if she gets canada for her bday imma be pissed :-(

Super Duck's picture

Hahaha! Have no fear, we

Hahaha! Have no fear, we aren't nearly rich enough to buy her her very own Canada, and we probably won't be in 9 years either.

Dracofangxxx's picture

dude she'd eat all your poutine and then have a heart attack

and then maybe die
so not so bad I guess in the long run
-
That's redick!

Super Duck's picture

Heart attack? She is

Heart attack? She is invulnerable to heart attacks. Her body does not pump blood. It pumps grease!