Hello, I am 14 (male) and in my first year of high school. I am attracted to men and sometimes think other boys at my school are attractive. Also, I recently realized that I am not attracted to females at all. I feel very confused about who I am right now. Because I am attracted to members of the same, and not opposite, gender, I think I might be gay.
I recently started high school and I have no friends from middle school in my classes and it takes a while to make new friends who I trust. I am very alone right now. My only real friend right now has been my friend for about two or three years. Though she is heterosexual, she is very liberal and open to homosexuals and I have more trust for her than I do for anybody else at my school. I don't see her in person (we keep in touch on the internet), so I have nobody to actually talk to about this.
I have been attracted to men for about three years. I thought I was bisexual because I wanted a wife and a family and I thought that women were attractive (though not as much as men), but, after reading online, I think I was just attracted to the idea of sex. About a month or more ago, I realized that I don't think females are attractive at all, and that I think I am gay. I always felt like I wasn't really attracted to women, but I kept believing that I was. There was not much I wanted more than children, but the idea of a wife never really seemed appealing or natural to me and I never wanted a girlfriend. I have tried being straight (I had a dream that I died and went to Hell because I was attracted to men), but I just started thinking about boys again. I have just accepted this, but I still feel like it might be a phase.
I'm not sure about my sexuality, though. I read online that gays have always known they were different and it seems they are often feminine and, though I don't like to steriotype, it seems all of them are fans of Lady Gaga, who I can't stand; I listen to heavy metal, country, and rock. I have akways been different, but different from everybody. I am interested in things like linguistics, compartive religion, politics, and zoology, and I have been for years. I am also the only person of either gender in my school who isn't interested in sports; I only watch occasional games of Futbol de la Liga Mexicana (though I live in the USA). I am also the only boy who doesn't play any video games, as they are boring to me. I am not feminine, though. I'm sort of neutral, not really masculine or feminine. I have not noticed I am attracted to men before I moved to the east coast from Alaska, a red state.
Although they are atheists, I am afraid of how my parents would react if I am gay. I'm not so worried about my father, as he is very open-minded and liberal. My mother isn't very accepting, though. She has specifically told me not to be gay, which made me want to be straight more than ever. Yesterday, she also said that gay men are digusting and against nature, even after I told her about homosexual behavior in animals. What confuses me is that my mother seems to have double standards, as she believes that lesbians are natural, but gays aren't. She said that all lesbians are bisexual, and gay men are "commited".
I don't think I have ever been more confused in my lifem and I can't focus on schoolwork or anything. I really need help.