An honest journal

Uncertain's picture

I've just booked my flights to the Philippines and Taiwan over the summer break.

Some of you may know this already, but I'll be in the Philippines over new years for a debating tournament, then I'll visit my parents in Taiwan.

Re Parents:
Oh my God, I have not seen them in so long. Nor have I made much mention of them in my journals. It has been almost two years since I saw them. The last time I saw my dad was at my high school graduation, he flew over. Yes, I know I'm a grown boy now, and you tend to see your parents less and less... But two years? And they're technologically retarded and don't know how to operate Skype so I only talk to them over the phone.

But holy crap two years right, and I haven't even thought about it until now. I mean, even when I was younger every time I saw them they age so visibly and it scares me. I really don't know what else to say about them. Maybe just how I never think I knew them? And how they never knew me and still don't know me.

I hope they remarry. Especially my mother. She sounds so lonely sometimes over the phone, this middle aged woman complaining to a son she stopped living with since he was ten. I don't know where my concern comes from, if it is filial love or simple compassion. Oh man I don't know if I can stand seeing them, this is going to be so weird.

Re life in general:
My exams are almost over. I have finished my philosophy and two law exams, and I have two politics ones left. One of them is on global governance, and the other one is on rights and drugs and all that sort of stuff. I suddenly have this urge to share my work on here, so if people are interested I can post my essays. I know elph you will be interested, but it might interest you swimmerguy as well.

I just feel like getting drunk you know? I'm still recovering from my breakup. My friends have been really supportive, and I feel so much more free now. I remember the good things but now also the bad. I remember how he would disapprove of the partying, drinking and just things I enjoy like debating and intellectualising. Not even the german play I was in, he got so bored when I asked to practise with him. And slowly I've adapted to it without knowing.

But now I've regained my confidence, I've started going out again, doing things I love again, meeting new people and trying new things. I am going to learn hebrew with my friend. I also tried speed for the first time the other day, it was alright. I am going overseas.

But sometimes you miss just having that someone you know. Oh man, But I'm not sure how long it'll take before I can open up to someone like that again. I actually thought he was the one.

That's it, signing off now. Good night all. I hope I won't regret this decision to open up a bit more.



elph's picture

Of course... I'd be interested!

Your essays have always reflected quite refreshing insight... no matter the topic!

Please... whenever you're ready!

I'd also expect that swimmerguy would not disagree...


Exams soon behind you, representing your university at WUDC in Philippines, long vacation, and reunion with parents... so much to look forward to!

Enjoy... and return refreshed (but don't change too much)! :)

Uncertain's picture

I am actually so excited for

I am actually so excited for wudc. I am like the biggest nerd out there. I can't wait to rant to strangers about things like religion and military intervention and economic theory...

elph's picture


you can do that! :)

jeff's picture


It's important to remember that every relationship fails, until one doesn't. Relationship longevity is measured in hindsight, not in anticipation.

The important bit is not to resist opening up so that you don't get hurt, because then you also restrict your ability to connect.

If you hurt after a breakup, it usually indicates you're doing things correctly. The next step is giving the next guy a clean shot in, as well, and not letting things callous over to dull the pain.

Joy and pain can be felt in equal measure, so the more you hurt, you're also learning your capacity for joy, just in a shitty way.

"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (

625539's picture

it's strange though, how one

it's strange though, how one adapts to a person they love, only to be loved back


hellonwheels's picture

I would also be interested max!

I've always enjoyed your writings. I know how you feel w/ your parents man, i feel the same way every time I see my dad. I do so out of kindness and compassion, not necessarily out of love for him. It's awkward.

I hope your coffee date w/ this new guy goes well dude. PS, I may be travelling to Manila as well, if I can scrape together the funds.

Hope all is well w/ you max, it's been a while.


Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

whateversexual_llama's picture

hey... my comments are

hey... my comments are unspecific, but just wanted to pop and say it was nice to catch up on your life. ^.^

Uncertain's picture

Just want to say thank you to all those who

Just want to say thank you to all those who commented. Really appreciate it.

swimmerguy's picture


Not much to say that hasn't already been said, that I know, considering I know absolutely jack shit about relationships, although hopefully that'll be changing soon... But I dunno.
Anyway, I second everything everyone else said, it was good to see what you've been doing.