If i were asked to describe myself in one word, i would have no fucking clue as to what to say.
i dont know what describes me.
i know im too nice. (believe it or not, im not a complete dick like my journal entries make me out to be.)
that's just me venting. saying (err writing) things that i cant say out loud.
half the things i say im gonna do, i never seem to follow through with cause i dont have it in me to.
im also incredibly obvious. i dont know anyone more obvious than i am.
my current crush knows, her ex knows too. hah. oh boy.
im pretty sure i wont act on it. i dont have enough self esteem, believe it or not.
i am a sad little person.
i just realized that.
i do a great job of hiding it though.
oh did i mention my xanax doesnt help things at all?
it makes me feel twice as bad in the sadness area.
it has killed my sex drive. haha. i guess that isnt such a bad thing. kinda good actually.
let me try to describe myself (i know im bouncing around topics here, sorry. i cant help it. im typing as i think, and this is exactly what im thinking. lol.)
quiet, shy, perfectionist, too nice, silly, low confidence/self esteem, worrier, i over analyze and over think, caring, i can never be happy for long periods of time with one person, picky, complainer, forgetful, sweet, cheesy, hopeless romantic, i am a geek and a dork as well as a nerd, i love making people laugh...
cant think of anything else. i wonder how many of those are positive...haha. meh.
i feel stressed. and i dont know why.
did i mention that i kinda hate my life and myself? i think it's cause i cant seem to live up to people's expectations. i think im that chick who needs someone there all the time, and if not then i feel as if im worthless and unloved. it really sucks.