3 days ago while i was looking in the attic with matt through some old boxes and bags. while matt was complaining why we didn't let him move in her he fell through the roof thats why matt. we found my old journal i wrote in for 2 years 13-15 (roughly 2005-2007) i wrote in it everyday about what happened and how i felt.
not alot of it was about my feelings but most of the feelings were about AJ. i just finished reading it you know the feeling of "wow how stupid was i back then" i had "wow how obvious was i back then". i found it funny how either AJ had no clue (note: constantly nudging against her, leaning over her and at one point whispering "i like you alot AJ" in her ear) or she was completely knowing and i had no clue she was gay (note: nudging back, leaning over me too etc.) or we both knew each other was gay and blocked it out (blushing while looking at each other sometimes, some awkward times when we were alone and the way we played).
remembering the Cr3w haha i remember that (me, AJ, Racheal, Rosie, Ashley, Kookie and Hope and later Kirsty). how matt used to drive us to places and get us all lunch and pick us up after. things like "today matt dropped us at the high street after lunch and we lounged around the alley until about 2:40 and a drunk guy wondered across away from joey's chips and fell down we laughed, AJ has such a great laugh dear god i hope matt and Ashley don't tell". is written down with other stuff today i contacted the Cr3w well the 4 at don't live with us anyway that is and they're coming over tomorrow.
also written down are times of near coming out for both me and AJ "today i almost couldn't help myself i almost came out to AJ today maybe i should i don't know i need help" and "today AJ told me something at got to me she was going to tell me something serious but she never told me she said forget it i didn't ask i need some help again". thats me at 14 so young so stupid these are sentimental things. i wrote the feelings at are surprisingly rare even for me im a massive Tomboy. times picked up at around 15 when a girl who i have completely forgotten about called Kirsty Joined the Cr3w and was openly gay. so i invited her over to my house and we got talking and i told her was gay and i had a massive crush on AJ she and Ashley helped me out.
the next week late at night all 8 of us got out and invited some boys over to our houses. exept for me, AJ, Kirsty and Racheal we all knew Kirsty was gay but we didn't know each other were yet and this massive clue for us. the next week i was at AJ's house and i randomly kissed her and she asked "are you gay" and i replied "yes" and she kissed me back she was too. we started going out in private few people knew (just matt and the Cr3w) knew looking back on it most of the Cr3w were gay (me, AJ, Racheal, Rosie and Kirsty were Gay and only Ashley, Kookie and Hope are Straight).
we were up at AJ's house at her sisters Abbys sweet 16th when we were making out in AJ s Room. abby found us while we were at 2nd base and she got a fright. we got thrown out and that night we both lost our virginities and after getting thrown out by mum and moving in with matt it ends. a note to self get new journal now im 18 in 2011 its a bit of a gap maybe ill get one starting to laugh now watching matt with a hurt arm, shoulder and back fixing the roof.
well thats it if i find my other ones i might make more journal entries of them, bye for now.