I turned down a threesome this weekend (Edited to add angst)

whateversexual_llama's picture

Quick journal entry about my weekend while I wolf down dinner. Can't write too much; have to fit in 2 hours of chemistry studying tonight for an exam on friday. Midterms week is a lie. There's ALWAYS an exam.

SO THE WEEKEND.

On friday night I went to a poetry slam at this really famous venue that I'd never been to AND i was not impressed. I just didn't sense any true craftmanship, y'know? Whatever. *is elitist dbag*

Then on Saturday night I had a joint birthday party with Jewface at her incredibly swag apartment. All my queer union buddies were there, and it was super fun, there was vegan chocolate cake. Cute Chick Who Likes Buffy, I'll call her Buffy for short, was there, but said I couldnt make out with her again because she has an israeli boyfriend who thinks kissing is cheating. So we flirted.

AND THEN these two girls from smith decided that they adored me and i spent a great deal of time with them. There was some kissing on a couch which led to sexydancing/kissing on a wall which led to some groping/third basing in the bathroom. They invited me home with them but I wanted to sleep without my binder and packer on and I didn't really feel comfortable doing that around them, so I trekked back to my dorm at like 4 am and crashed.

Sunday night I went with my big sister to a Girlyman concert. It was fantastic.

Today I had chem lecture and then did homework from 9:30 am to 3:30 pm, and then I had Dead White Men till five, and now I'm home eating dining hall food and getting ready to study chemistry. I'll catch up on journal entries soon... or maybe never... studying comes first.

Bye!

EDIT: After a few hours of homework.

There's this transboy who goes to the high school I graduated from... he's a senior this year. One year younger than me. Over the summer, he got top surgery and started T. Now... he's doing everything. All the things that I got so angry at, sometimes because "it's gendernormative bullshit and it's degrading and stupid" but more realistically because I wasn't allowed. Powderpuff football, before the homecoming game. Girls play football, guys cheerlead, seniors against juniors, sophomores against freshman. And my friends would ask me if I'd join the football team and of course not, of course I won't. Why? Because it's gendernormative bullshit and it's degrading and stupid.

He... this kid... he got to cheerlead for powderpuff. There he is, in line with all the other boys, wearing a cropped neon green shirt and a grass skirt over bike shorts. Goofing around. A part of the pyramid. Being gendernormative and goofy and stupid and having fun. He got to wear the tux for his senior yearbook photo. He gets to do everything. Like a real boy.

I hate him so much.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Turning down threeways? It's like I've taught you nothing... ;-)

As for the transguy, important lesson there. Everything you weren't allowed to do, was primarily you not allowing you to do it. It's easier thinking it was other people preventing you, but most of the time, that isn't the case.

---
"You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks" - Dawes, When My Time Comes (http://youtu.be/Z0FrcTX6hWI)

whateversexual_llama's picture

oh jeff. this is why you are

oh jeff. this is why you are the master and we oasies remain the students.

i think reminding myself that i was the only one holding myself back just makes me feel worse.