Since I got out of a relationship with a fiance I had for 4 years, i've been hooking up with random women to fill the empty void in my heart. i've forgotten how to care and respect a women. i would only use the women who were worth something to stick around and who cared for me to get to the next women i would cheat with. i was becoming, and stilll am, really a worthless piece of shit. but then one night i couldnt stop the thoughts in my mind from taking over and i allowed myself to hear what my head had tried to tell me many times. the voice said that i wasnt being true to myself or who i really was. i felt like, i felt empty cause the women werent really what i want. so, i told myself i would try the other team if i could. many parties i would try to execute these thoughts but only felt ashamed and embarrassed. finally, i met the right one at a friends birhtday party. we were outside smoking with a few beers, when it just happened. an overwhelming feeling overtook my mind, body, and emotions. the guy, we'll call him Wes, was obviously gay, but in that moment, i felt as if Wes was the one i could confine my secret desires to. (must i mention i was getting quite drunk) i told him my struggles with my sexual identity and i experienced a kiss that hadnt made me feel real since my fiance. We arent together, nor do we talk anymore, but i am slowly becoming more openly gay. and i will always have myself to thank for trusting my own real thoughts. thanks for reading.