Right Now (Hello, Oasis)

whateversexual_llama's picture

I've missed you.

College has been a time of big adjustments. It's my birthday this week, in more than one way.

I'm going to start writing here more often. I need to journal, to keep track, to remember, to vent my frustration, to joke, to keep track of funny dreams and pick-up-lines and books I'm reading.

It's been over two months, hasn't it?

I'll try to sum it up quickly. Maybe I won't try to sum it up, maybe I'll just tell you about now.

Right now, I am sitting in starbucks on my laptop, surrounded by hipsters my age reading penguin classics and doing math homework on iPhones. There is a spork in my hat and I have a peppermint latte.

Right now, I'm waiting to go to talk to James, my writing professor, about an essay I wrote about a photo called "Thai" by Deana Lawson (check it out) and Picasso and assumptions.

Right now, I am waiting for my parents to reply to my email. I went home for my birthday last weekend, mostly to process about my gender. We've been bouncing an "announcement" email back and forth, editing it to send to my family. Right now, they want me to say "I feel male" and I want them to know that that's not true, that "I am male." I feel tired, anxious, curious, and itchy. I am male, tall, jewish, caucasion, a student, coming from a place of privilege, in love with autumn air.

Right now, my politics have become increasingly queer and radical. I have attached myself to a student group called Queer Union who do activist organizing. I have made out with 4 out of 5 Queer Union officers. Right now, I'm still dating Emily, but openly. She has gotten laid already, I'm still just messing around with faces.

Right now, I have a pack of Marlboro Lights in my backpack. I have been smoking too much. I have Aristotle's "Ethics" in my backpack. I'm in two classics classes, chemistry, and writing. Next semester I'll take the second semester of those classics, chemistry II, and Approaches to Gender and Sexuality Studies.

Right now, the important people in my life rarely call me "she." I am read as male about 20% of the time, and that means a lot. I hope to be on hormones in a year or two.

I'll be catching up on all of your lives soon, I hope. I've missed you all.


MacAvity's picture

We've missed you too.

It's good to have you back. And thanks for the summary of what's been going on.

radiosilence95's picture

Welcome back.

Yes, you have been missed oh so very much. Glad to know life's been treating you decently. And be patient with your parents--it's probably very very difficult for them to understand everything.

rythmn_n_rhyme_grrl's picture

It's good to hear from you

It's good to hear from you again, truthfully, I've been missing your journal entries on here. I'm glad life is going well for you.

niks121997's picture


I'm happy to hear about how life has been for you! I checked out the photo too and found it intriguing. Good to hear from you :)

cheese's picture

I kinda looked up

that up in the school library.
That was embarrasing for me, but it was an interesting photo. :o

"So can you tell me what's left when everything you care for carries on, when broken dreams are built to make you strong. When the memories of yesterday fall through these broken dreams are built to help you through." ~Authority Zero