something dumb

625539's picture

a man invited me to have coffee with him
he looks nice

he's in his forties, i think
and i think we're going on thursday

it's dumb really and i always seem to go towards older guys when i feel a need for gratification

and i like being with people who don't know me at all because
i can be everything or anything
i don't have to represent anything
and i have no expectations.

it's just nice.

i don't want to sleep with him or anything
you either have to be good looking or really intelligent for me to want that from you

and i haven't seen any of those yet so..

but it's hard for me at the same time because wounds are still fresh so
i don't know
we'll see when we get there.

it's like i'm constantly falling from a skyscraper
telling myself
so far so good as each floor passes

but what counts isn't the fall,
it's the landing
(la haine).

Comments

MacAvity's picture

That's not dumb at all.

And may I observe that, for a Magic Fantastic journal with poetic layout, it's exceptionally intelligible.
I particularly can relate with 'and i like being with people who don't know me at all because / i can be everything or anything / i don't have to represent anything / and i have no expectations.

625539's picture

it's dumb because i'm always

it's dumb because i'm always naive and idealistic about people and way too trusting so

but this journal was more of a stream-of-consciousness and my thinking is pretty fragmented i think which is why it comes out in a poem layout but it wasn't intended to be

thanks though? (-:

Uncertain's picture

Older men

Yeah a year ago I totally said yes to a date with a guy who was super smart but in his thirties or forties (I never asked). In the end I couldn't bring myself to do anything with him, and I felt the whole thing was a bit silly, but there's something strangely alluring about him and some older men.

625539's picture

i don't know, i always seem

i don't know, i always seem to go towards them when i'm alone

maybe it's because it's easier and less games