I'm in a strange mood. Unfortunately, a lot of who I was seems to be resurfacing in who I am. My old rage that completely devastated my life is coming back, and I'm so angry at everything- at my own very existence- that I just don't know what to do.
I've been having mood swings, and I keep going from high highs to low lows within a matter of hours- even minutes.
I've made a decision to refrain from reporting someone close to me for a crime. I don't think the crime is truly wrong, you see. But some people were able to convince me that it was the right thing to do, to report him. I struggled with the idea for a while, then decided to take the selfish way out. I love him, therefore I won't do anything to harm him. I can't... I can't even do things that make him angry. I'm terrified of him, in a way. I'm terrified of losing him, and of his anger. Because of that, he's able to manipulate me into doing just about anything he wants me to do. Which both he and I are somewhat bothered by.
On a lighter note, my city just had pride. I danced like a fool throughout the parade (I was in it!) and dazzled people with my incredible ability to perform high kicks. XD
I'm sick to-day. So unpleasant. It may be a sinus infection. I hope not.
I'm listening to k. d. lang sing Helpless. Lovely song.
I once wrote that the meaning of life is beauty. I think I still believe that, in a way. If Truth is beautiful, which I think it is, and beauty is the meaning of life... Makes sense to me.