This has never happened before!

MacAvity's picture

It's Thursday night. (That's happened to me before, hundreds of times.)
I'm done with classes for the week.
I never left campus since Sunday.
I used all of my meal credits for the week. This is a bigger deal than it sounds.

Caught a glimpse of Grey in passing.
She still exists. I still love her. I hadn't been sure until then, after a year, five months, and odd days.
Even after a year, five months, odd days, and a declaration of love, it was still the same as ever. I see her, look hastily away, hope she doesn't recognise me. Once she's passed, can't see me anymore, I turn and stop and gaze after until she disappears from sight, and then a few moments more for good measure.
I never missed her, I knew that, because I had never had her enough to miss her when she was gone completely. I just knew that it was a terrible thing that I would never see her again. But until today I didn't know how much I missed the pain of being near her. How much I missed being in love - unrequitedly, the only way I know.
I knew that 'never see her again' was an unreasonable expectation, especially since we would be attending the same university. I knew that eventually I would glimpse her in passing, as I've glimpsed Solace now three times. But it sounded so romantic, parting forever, never to see her again.
Never speaking with her again is good enough.

Once I finished staring after her, I broke out grinning.